


Azula's Loss

by TheDoctorFromTheLibrary



Series: Sibling Rivalry [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:13:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21964126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDoctorFromTheLibrary/pseuds/TheDoctorFromTheLibrary
Summary: The relationship between Zuko and Azula in the aftermath of the Agni Kai that decided the future of the Fire Nation as they deal with their past, their present, and their future.In this version, Azula won. There's a sister fic in which Zuko was the victor.
Series: Sibling Rivalry [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1579066
Comments: 15
Kudos: 98





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
> Enjoy!

The wound in his chest hurt with every breath. It felt like it was being torn open over and over again. Sometimes, he felt a buzz and a crackle, not sure if it was real or if he was simply imagining the lightning still there.

After his sister shot him, he’d collapsed on the ground. The electricity had coursed through him and his body had convulsed and twitched with it. The pain had ripped a scream out of his throat until he couldn’t take it anymore and fainted.

He’d woken up with a jolt. Someone had been dragging him down dark and damp stairs, the only light coming from the torches that lit as they passed. He’d tried to lift his head, but his strength had failed him. When he’d taken a breath, the pain had stopped him halfway and he’d lost consciousness again.

The next thing he knew, he was lying on the cold, hard floor of a cell. No torches, no windows. There wasn’t even any light coming under the door from the hallway. Complete and total darkness.

Breathing was agony. He didn’t know what his wound looked like or how bad it was. Would it kill him?

Why was he still alive in the first place? Why hadn’t Azula finished the job when he was crumpled on the floor, defenseless? She’d had the chance and she could certainly do it. Perhaps she wanted him to suffer. Let him rot slowly, all alone in the dark and hurting, knowing it was all his fault.

Uncle had given him the task of fighting Azula and taking back the throne. The Fire Nation would need someone new to lead it into peace and restore its honor.

_“I can handle Azula,” he’d said._

_“Not alone,” Uncle had replied. “You’ll need help.”_

_Zuko had shaken his head. “No. The throne will never be mine if_ I _don’t take it. How can my people trust me to lead them if I don’t fight my own battles?”_

Uncle’s resigned sigh echoed in the silence and the memory faded away like smoke. In the darkness, the image had been so clear that Zuko could almost believe he was back at the camp if not for the hole in his chest.

Once again, his pride had gotten the better of him. He’d known it was dangerous, but he’d risked it anyway. Their last battle had ended with a draw that nearly killed them both. And that had been the best he’d ever managed against his sister. How could he have hoped to win?

He’d simply had to. On his own.

His people needed a leader that could and would fight for them. Someone strong to face the hard times ahead. The end of the war would turn the Fire Nation upside down. It needed someone to keep it from falling into chaos. They wouldn’t trust just anyone to do it. Zuko had to prove himself.

But that hadn’t been his only reason.

He wouldn’t have deserved the throne if he’d had help. He had to be worthy of it or it wouldn’t be right. How could he wear a crown that had been given to him, not rightfully earned? All his life he’d had to fight for everything he got and he’d had to fight for this as well. And he’d lost.

It had been a stupid mistake. He should’ve learned by now to put his pride aside. His foolishness could ruin everything.

_“Are you sure you don’t need help?” Katara had asked behind him._

_Zuko had been taking his bags to Appa’s saddle. The bison was tense under his touch. He too had known that this was a journey they might not come back from._

_He’d turned to her and nodded. “It’s my fight. I gotta do this alone.”_

_She’d looked up at him with her wide blue eyes full of concern._

_“Your sister’s dangerous. She almost killed Aang. I don’t want her to hurt you too.”_

_How had they come this far? Not long ago, Katara had hated him with everything in her. Now she’d feared for him. She would’ve fought for him._

_“Thank you, Katara.”_

_She’d thrown her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly against her. Out of breath, he hugged her back._

_“Put your sister in her place,” she’d said when they parted._

_She’d smiled. The worry hadn’t disappeared from her face, but she gave him an intense look._

_“With pleasure,” he’d replied._

Katara shimmered in front of him. He raised his hand to keep her from going, his restraints pulling it back down. Katara disappeared through his fingers anyway. He was back in the dark cell, alone again.

What’d happened to his friends? They’d all gone their separate ways with different tasks ahead of them. Had they survived? Had they been caught or hurt? Was anyone else locked in a cell, like him? He wished they could be together. He just wanted to see them again.

He hoped Aang had come back to face the Fire Lord. And win. If he’d lost, the Fire Nation would be unstoppable and it would be the end of the world. Zuko’s failure had ensured it.

He’d almost done it. He’d almost won.

Azula had been careless and rash while he’d been the cool and collected one. He’d defended from her wild attacks almost effortlessly. She’d grown tired without managing a hit and Zuko had barely moved. They had switched places, become one another. The one time he’d gotten the upper hand against his sister had been by fighting like her while she fought like him.

But, for all they had changed, they were still themselves at heart.

Azula knew him all too well.

Lightning was her greatest weapon, but Zuko could redirect it. If he moved precisely. So she’d made sure he couldn’t.

Azula had shot one of the fire sages who’d almost crowned her. It had been an obvious trap. Zuko would’ve never let someone else get hurt, even if they weren’t quite innocent either. He’d jumped in the way and the lightning had hit him the chest. He hadn’t been able to lead it out and it had pulsated inside him until it had found its own exit.

It had been excruciating. It had been the worst pain he’d ever felt. Worse, so much worse, than being burned by his father. How had he survived that?

And it still hurt.

Azula truly was their father’s child.

Father had banished him, but he’d been a boy who’d done nothing wrong then. He was a traitor now, so Azula would execute him. What was she waiting for?

He wasn’t sure how long it had been since the Agni Kai. Hunger had been coming at him in waves. Sometimes it gnawed at him, twisting his insides. Then it ebbed away to a dull ache he forgot was even there.

Sleep came and went as well. The pain didn’t let him sleep but he was too tired to stay awake. Zuko would drift off and dream about the Agni Kai to wake up screaming and gasping for air. It never lasted more than a few hours. He slept but never rested.

His eyes closed under the weight of exhaustion. In the dark, it made no difference.

He found himself back at the White Lotus camp. After lunch, when Uncle had given them their different missions, they’d disbanded to get ready. Katara came to him.

“What if you lose?” she asked.

“Great, thanks for the pep talk,” he replied, pulling his swords across his back.

She laid a hand on his arm.

“I mean it, Zuko,” she insisted. “I’ve seen what Azula can do. Aang almost died. I don’t want that to happen to you.”

He looked into her eyes and saw the fear and urgency in that ocean blue. His stomach churned.

“I know. It won’t,” he promised. Katara smiled uneasily. “I can take–”

The screech of metal brought him back from his slumber. His eyes flew open and he shielded them from the light with his arm. He blinked rapidly, trying to get used to it, and slowly lowered his hands.

A beautiful woman came into his field of view. Long, dark hair framed her face and she stared at him with deep golden eyes.

A smile crept across his lips.

“Mother?”

His skull banged against the stone floor before he realized what was going on. The woman grabbed him by the hair and pulled his face close to hers.

Zuko blinked. His vision swam and his ear was ringing. The world was spinning. He tried to look at her, but the lines of her face were blurred.

“It’s me, Dum-dum,” his sister snarled.

Everything came into sharp focus all at once. Azula was crouching in front of him with a crackling blue flame in her free hand, its heat too close to his face. Her eyes had a strange and cruel gleam in the light despite the dark circles under them. She always wore her hair in a neat topknot, but now it was down and tangled. There was something off about her.

“Azula.” He could barely speak. His tongue was too dry and his voice had been taken by his screaming.

“Oh, Little Zuzu, not feeling so good?”

Zuko struggled to get away from her but she had an iron grip on him. He was too tired and weak to be much of a fight and his manacles weighed him down. He held her gaze with all the defiance he could find.

“What do you want?” he managed to ask, a whisper so soft he wasn’t sure she’d heard him.

“Brought you some water, but it seems you don’t want it,” she mocked.

She let go of him and he dropped to the ground with a groan. He got on his hands and knees and saw Azula pick up a glass of water and tilt it slowly so it started to drip to the floor.

He lunged but his chains were attached to a hook on the ground and she was out of reach. He fell, pain exploding in his chest.

“Stop! Please!” he begged.

Azula stopped and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “You want it, then?”

He nodded frantically. The effort had taken to much of him and he couldn’t breathe.

She smirked.

“So say it.”

“Water… please.”

His sister rolled her eyes as she put down the now half-empty glass in front of him. He took it before she could snatch it back and drained it in one gulp. It soothed his parched throat but it was gone too fast. It wasn’t anywhere close to enough.

Azula’s lip curled. “You’re pathetic.”

She was right. Here he was, defeated, shackled to the floor of a cold, dark cell begging for water. He’d beg for more if he didn’t know this was all he’d get. The humiliation burned, but he couldn’t hold on to his pride. Not anymore.

Yet, he’d been more pathetic before. What else could be said of a boy tortured and banished by his father who still crossed the world for the chance to come back to him? Who’d risked his life – and almost lost it more than once – for him?

Zuko laughed harshly and the pain immediately made him double over, wheezing.

“Why are you laughing?” Azula demanded angrily.

“Laughing… at myself,” he croaked. “I’m... ridiculous.”

She seemed to relax a little. Not completely, as if she couldn’t stop being on alert.

“Congratulations on stat–”

“So are you,” he continued.

“How dare you!” Her voice shattered.

The kick to the stomach came fast and powerful, and he was expecting it. Zuko forced himself to laugh as he coughed blood. He spat it out and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

Azula towered over him. Her flame was bigger and brighter, spilling out of her hand. Fury burned in her eyes.

“You think you’re Fire Lord. Not for long. Aang’s coming for you.” _To finish what I couldn’t_.

It was Azula’s turn to laugh and it sounded hollow and broken. It chilled Zuko to the bone.

“Your friend’s dead. Father killed him,” she said with a smile. “The others are dead too. Including your beloved uncle.”

It was worse than the kick. He reeled. The air in his lungs turned to lead and he choked. He would’ve thrown up too if there was anything left in his stomach.

Images flashed before his eyes: Aang – just a twelve-year-old kid – dead at his father’s feet. Uncle’s still form buried under the rubble of Ba Sing Se, where he’d lived his dream life for a few short months. The half-burned bodies of Katara, Sokka, Toph, and Suki, surrounded by the Fire Nation soldiers and airships they’d taken down with them.

_Azula always lies_

She could be lying to torment him. His sister had always enjoyed messing with his head. There was no reason to tell him the truth if his friends had won either.

Azula was lying, she had to be. Aang was the Avatar. He wasn’t quite the master of four elements yet, but he could definitely take on the conceited Fire Lord. Uncle was a brilliant general with the help of the old masters of the White Lotus to take back the Earth Kingdom capital. Sokka was a talented strategist and Suki was an amazing fighter, while Katara and Toph were extraordinary benders. There was no way any of them had died during their respective missions. Much less all of them.

But what if–

He shook those thoughts away. _Azula always lies._

“You’re lying,” he stated with a calm he didn’t feel.

She smirked again. It shouldn’t be so scary to see one’s sister smile. Sokka loved Katara’s smile.

“Are you sure? Then why haven’t they rescued you yet?” Her smiled widened. “Face it, Zuzu, no one’s coming.”

That was a good question. Why was he still here? They wouldn’t leave him behind in Azula’s hands. Unless… No, they weren’t dead. _Azula always lies_ , he repeated once more. She was just playing her mind games, same as ever.

“You’re lying,” he repeated. Speaking shouldn’t be so hard.

She waived her fire hand, drawing a beautiful blue arc in the darkness. Her eyes went to a corner for a second before settling on him.

“Perhaps. But you’re still chained down in this dirty, little cell and I’m still on the throne. Maybe I’m telling the truth for once.”

She _was_ on the throne. Children didn’t inherit from living parents and his father would never abdicate, not even for his darling daughter.

“You’re Fire Lord, so Father’s dead.”

Something crossed Azula’s face, too fast for Zuko to tell what it was. Was he right?

“Haven’t you heard? Well, probably not since you’re living in this hole,” she mocked, but her heart wasn’t into it. “Father’s Phoenix King now. He’s too busy conquering the rest of the world, so I’m the new Fire Lord.”

Of course. Father had planned to use the comet to burn the Earth Kingdom to the ground. Even with the comet’s power, it would still take days to fully establish his rule over the entire world.

If Azula was telling the truth, it explained why she was being coronated when Zuko had arrived, even before Aang and his father fought.

It had been Azula’s idea. So why wasn’t she by Father’s side?

“Why aren’t you with him?”

Her eyes narrowed and he expected her to hit him again. She didn’t.

“Someone has to watch over the homeland,” his sister said mechanically.

A council of nobles and generals could preside over the Fire Nation while Father and Azula were away. But she was here. He’d left her behind.

Why?

_Like father, like son._

Zuko had been too proud to accept Katara’s help to fight his sister, his greatest enemy. Had his father made the same mistake, leaving Azula behind so he could face the Avatar alone?

The thought made his skin crawl. Any similarities he shared with his father made him feel disgusting.

“He didn’t want you–”

Azula grabbed him again and yanked him up until his chains were pulled taut. She leaned in close, only a few centimeters from him. Her fingers tightened around his jaw like claws, and her eyes focused on his face, lingering on his left side.

“Make no mistake, Zuzu,” she growled. “I’m nothing like you.”

She was wrong. So wrong. She had never been more like him than now.

Azula was being reckless and impulsive, wearing her anger on her sleeve. She was so desperate to show her power and to prove herself better than him, above him. It was like looking in a mirror. Was this what he’d look like all those years, fighting with Azula, struggling to get Father’s acceptance, searching for the Avatar? How… pitiful.

The Azula he knew would just laugh him off and shoot a sharp retort, or worse, ignore him. She wouldn’t care what he said and he’d feel like he didn’t matter. This one cared very much.

What’d happened to her?

Zuko looked straight into his sister’s eyes. He knew he shouldn’t do this. It was stupid to provoke her. She could strike him again or leave him to die with no food or water. But he couldn’t resist getting a hit when she was so obviously defenseless. Maybe it was payback for all she’d done to him. Maybe he wanted to feel like he was the one on top for a change. Maybe she just needed to hear the truth.

“You’re exactly like me,” he said.

Azula let go of him and he fell on his arm at a twisted angle. He bit back a scream.

She stood up and took one long look at him.

“I’m nothing like you,” she spat, disgust laced with something else.

She left, taking all the light with her. When she slammed the door behind her, Zuko was again alone in the dark, surrounded by the echoes of their conversation.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm sorry it took this long to post the second chapter, I had some laptop issues. I intend to keep posting on Thursdays.
> 
> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
> Enjoy!

That night Zuko dreamed of lightning. It was so bright it blinded him. Excruciating pain tore him apart when it hit him, burning through him. Everything else disappeared. His world shrank to the crackling energy twisting his body and that pain running in his veins.

In the distance, he heard screaming. His own. Laughter, too. Sinister, bitter laughter.

He woke up out of breath. His lungs burned and struggled to breathe, fighting against the pain in his chest. He gasped for air, but it seemed out of reach.

The darkness around him started spinning. He was going to die here. Alone. A failure to his people, his uncle, himself. His entire life, all his failures throughout the years, had led up to this, the one epic fuck up.

Zuko sure had a lot of practice failing. Most of the time it was all he could do. But he always got back up and tried again. He never gave up.

He wouldn’t give up now either. Somehow, he’d find a way to make it through this. He always did.

_That’s who you are, Zuko. Someone who keeps fighting even though it’s hard._

His mother’s words coiled around his heart. He swallowed back a sob. He missed her so, so much.

Zuko didn’t think of his mother often. It hurt too much, like losing her all over again. But she never strayed far from his dreams. He dreamed of her almost as often as he dreamed of the Agni Kai with his father. Sometimes, on some truly horrible nights, the dreams would be one and the same and he’d lose his mother to the flames, unable to save her.

He didn’t need to close his eyes to see her right in front of him. She was as beautiful as ever. Her long black hair cascaded down her back. Kindness shone behind her golden eyes. Her features were soft and delicate. She always carried herself with elegance and grace but also warmth.

Mother smiled at him and all he wanted was to run into her arms, hold her tight and never let go.

Her image was perfect. In his memories, her face was blurred sometimes and he couldn’t tell the exact shape of her nose or the arc of her cheekbones. In his dreams, she had her back turned or she was hidden by shadow most of the time, and when he could see her, she didn’t look quite like herself.

But now the image was better than ever. Real.

He could even smell her perfume. Orchid-lily, her favorite soap. He breathed deeply, trying to take all of it – all of her – in.

The pain hit him at once, raw and sharp and cruel. It forced him to stop breathing. His mother disappeared before his eyes just like in his dreams. Even her scent was gone, replaced by the stink of mold and sorrow of his stuffy cell.

His body was wracked with sobs despite the pain tearing his chest open wide. He cried because this hurt more than being burned by his father or shot with lightning by his sister. Nothing had ever hurt this much. Nothing ever would.

After a few long minutes, his body finally slowed down enough to let him regain control. He wiped the tears from his eye, but there were none. No water to spare, not even for grief.

He took a breath, as deep as the pain would let him. Then he let it out. In and out.

 _Firebending comes from the breath_.

None of his firebending masters had taught him that. Uncle had. In truth, Uncle had taught almost everything he knew. Zuko hadn’t paid him as much attention as he should have.

First, he’d betrayed him; now he’d disappointed him.

Uncle would not be disappointed that he’d lost the Agni Kai. Never that. Especially because he sacrificed his victory and himself to save the life of another. _That_ would make Uncle proud. But he was certainly disappointed that Zuko couldn’t put aside his pride for the most important battle of his life, a battle that would decide the future of the Fire Nation. What a poor excuse of a Fire Lord he’d be.

If he even got to be Fire Lord now.

Azula was lying, Zuko was sure of it. Aang was the Avatar and he was an extraordinary bender. There was no doubt he could defeat Ozai. He wouldn’t run away from his duty either. But if Aang couldn’t bring himself to do what had to be done or if whatever had taken him hadn’t brought him back, the group would be there. Uncle too. They would make sure the Fire Lord was stopped.

They hadn’t lost. They hadn’t.

But where were they? Why hadn’t they rescued him yet? Azula could have killed him by now. She could kill him at any moment.

In the meantime, Azula sat on the throne. She was a tyrant as a princess. He didn’t want to imagine how bad it was with her as Fire Lord. The people were suffering. And it was all his fault.

The right side of his head was throbbing, making it hard to think.

What would Uncle do? _Uncle wouldn’t be here in the first place_.

Zuko started looking for the answer in the most important thing Uncle had ever taught him: breathing exercises. Every breath meant the lightning burn threatened to open up. The pain got in the way, but he managed to eventually find a balance between what he could endure and what he needed.

He breathed away his fears and worries. The war was over. The Fire Lord had lost. His friends would be here soon.

Calm settled over him. He couldn’t change what had happened. He couldn’t change what he’d done. He couldn’t change when his friends would come. But, if nothing else, he was in control of his breathing and himself.

Zuko had his hand out in front of him, palm up, though he couldn’t even see it. With as deep a breath as he could handle, he summoned a flame. There was a spark, but no fire.

It was to be expected. He was starving and the lightning had taken too much from him. He couldn’t even breathe properly. It was not a failure.

It still made him feel more alone. He’d hoped for a small flame that would give him some sense of company and life more than light or heat. Instead, without his bending, he felt out of touch with himself. A part of him was gone, even if just for a while. Even the person he used to be wasn’t there anymore. He wasn’t just alone, he was less than himself.

His bending would come back when he finally had a good meal and some rest and his wound were healed. It would take time, but it would return.

Zuko didn’t really know how bad the wound was besides the blinding pain. In the dark, he couldn’t see it. He’d hardly moved, restrained by both pain and chains. And he hadn’t had the courage to touch it yet.

His hand went to his shoulder. His fingers moved down gingerly. It was tender and hot around the edges. As he traced the outline, he pictured a red star-shaped scar matching the one on his face.

 _Life father, like daughter_.

Azula truly was just like her father. The Fire Lord’s most perfect creation. A firebending prodigy who could generate lightning at just fourteen. A strategist who’d conquered the enemy’s capital without bloodshed with only the help of two friends. A soldier who’d killed the Avatar, if only for a few seconds. A girl just as cruel and ruthless as himself.

It was almost pitiful that she had been shaped to be so much like Ozai. Not more than a copy. Azula as a person – her own person– didn’t exist.

How had he never noticed that?

Just then his fingers went too far. He howled. He didn’t know he’d still had it in him to scream.

His body stopped breathing. He tried to start over, but it wouldn’t obey him. No air was getting in his lungs. He would die here, drowning without water, and Azula wouldn’t have to lift a finger.

Light flowed from under the door, followed by the rusty clank of the lock.

Zuko sat up straight. He was breathing now, but he still felt a tightness in his chest.

In the few seconds before the door opened, his mind ran through the possibilities. Were his friends finally here? Had Uncle come to get him? Was it a guard with water or food? Or was it Azula, back to torment him some more?

His sister stood in the doorway, a flame in her hand and a smirk on her face.

“Hello, Zuzu,” she greeted, stepping in. “You don’t look so good.”

“Might be from getting shot with lightning and being left with no food or water,” he snapped. He immediately regretted it. He was Azula’s prisoner. It was not a good idea to antagonize her. Then again, there was no point in being nice either. She wasn’t the type to be moved by flattery, though she did enjoy it.

Azula laughed. “You’re hilarious. And I guess you are right. But you can’t blame that ugly face of yours on me.”

“No, but I can blame it on Father. Pretty much the same thing.”

His sister put a hand over her heart and her mouth opened in an exaggerated offended O.

“You say it like it’s an insult.”

“It is.”

Her lips curved in a cruel smile.

“You spent all your life trying to be like him. Like me,” she added with sick pride.

“No. I wanted his attention and his love. But I was never like him.” _Did I want to be?_

Azula’s eyes narrowed as she stared at him. Fury crossed her face. Her flame twisted and twirled in her hand as if caught in the wind.

“You’re right. You always had too much of _Mother_ in you,” she spat. She looked over her shoulder for a second before turning to him again. “She made you soft and weak.”

It was Zuko’s turn to smile. Azula was getting agitated, just like when they fought. He just didn’t know why, but maybe he could use it his advantage.

“You’re wrong. Mother made me strong. She taught me kindness and love.”

Azula snorted. She waved her flame around so its light reached every dark corner of the cell.

“Look at all the good that did for you! You lost the Agni Kai and now you’re locked in this disgusting place!”

“You cheated!” he said, pulling against his chains. She’d lost her honor in victory, but he kept his in defeat.

“I _won_.”

“Barely,” he snickered.

His sister walked around him. She kicked him in the back, pushing him against the hard floor with his arms crushed under him. A foot kept him down.

“Do you really think you’re on my level, Zuzu? We’re not even playing the same game.”

He didn’t bother struggling against her.

“You can’t beat me without cheating. Admit it, I’m better than y–.”

Her boot pressed harder on him and he grunted.

“So why are squirming on the ground under my feet? You were lucky to be born and you’re lucky you’re still alive.”

Father’s words still hurt. Even after all these years. Even after Father burned and banished him. Even after he realized Father was a monster. He still craved his approval in a way, despite knowing that he shouldn’t and that he didn’t need it. Would he ever get from under that shadow?

It didn’t matter. He’d never had luck and he didn’t need it now. All his life he’d worked hard. He’d struggled all the way, but he’d earned everything he’d achieved. He was proud of that.

“It’s not luck. You just haven’t killed me yet,” he said. She was pushing him so hard he could barely get enough air to speak. “Isn’t it sad that _I_ am your best source of entertainment?”

Azula chuckled. It was something out of a nightmare. Zuko just didn’t know if it was his or hers.

“Get over yourself, Zuzu. You’re funny, but you’re not that funny.” Her tone was light-hearted but ruined by poorly-concealed anger.

“Why are you here, then? Why am I still alive?”

“You’re not in a position to ask questions.” She ran her foot slowly up his back and pushed it down between his shoulder blades. He screamed with his wound pressed against the stone. “Literally.”

Could she have a reason to keep him alive besides her twisted joy at watching him suffer? What use could he have? He wouldn’t do anything for her and anything he could do, she could do better. What did she want from him?

Information. Zuko knew the location of the White Lotus camp, he knew their plans and strategies, he knew the Avatar and his friends. She hadn’t asked and he wouldn’t tell her anything, but the Dai Li could force it out of him.

Or worse. They could do to him what they’d done to Jet. Brainwash him and use him against his friends. Azula would win from the inside, just like she had at Ba Sing Se. It was a brilliant plan.

So why hadn’t she done it yet? And where were the Dai Li?

Azula’s foot lifted off his back. Zuko immediately rolled away, in case she decided to stomp down on him again. He breathed in deeply, not caring how much it hurt.

“You’re not asking a lot of questions either. Don’t you wanna know your enemies’ plans?”

“I’ve told you, Zuzu, they’re all dead,” she said with a smile that couldn’t hide the cracks in her voice. Had they always been this loud?

 _Azula always lies_ , he repeated to himself. He _knew_ she was lying, but the seeds of doubt were already buried deep. Every time he plucked one by the root another was ready to take its place.

Zuko sat and rubbed his shoulder. He smiled and tried to believe in that smile.

“You used to lie better.” _You used to do a lot of things better. What happened to you?_

Something was wrong with Azula. All the signs were there and they had been for a long time, even if he hadn’t noticed them. The attack at the Western Air Temple. Her behavior at their Agni Kai. This girl looking down on him, a poor imitation of his sister. It was time to stop ignoring them.

“Believe whatever you want,” she said, pacing the short length of the cell. The light bloomed and faded as she came closer and moved away. “It doesn’t change that they’re dead and you’re here all alone.”

Locked in here in total darkness, he’d never been more isolated. He’d felt so alone that even his memories and his dreams felt like company. Someone else saying it should reinforce that loneliness, confirm it. Azula certainly wanted him to believe that he had no one. But he wasn’t alone now. She was here.

Zuko was so desperate for company that even Azula was somewhat welcome. His sister was better than no one at all. Was she as desperate too?

“And you’re all alone in your throne. I’m in here. Mai and Ty Lee are in prison. Even Father is away. You have no one left.”

As soon as he said it, it became clear. This was it. This was what’d happened. Azula was _alone_.

“I don’t need any of you! I don’t need anyone!” she shrieked, her back turned. It was disturbing. Azula never shrieked. She was always cool and composed.

“Yeah, you do,” he said softly. “Other people help the world make sense.”

Was that something Uncle would say?

Azula paused suddenly and turned to him. Instinctively, Zuko tried to shuffle back, but the chains kept him in place. The pain in his chest flared, both a reminder and a warning sign.

“The world makes plenty of sense to me.”

The bright flame in her hand caught his eye. Azula was angry and dangerous and volatile. He was shackled and without his bending. There might be no way to be on her good side, but it was suicide to get on her bad one. It had nearly killed him before.

So why didn’t he stay quiet?

“No, it doesn’t. You couldn’t get along with anybody at the party at Ember Island. You didn’t predict that I was gonna join Aang. You don’t even understand it. And you never thought Mai and Ty Lee could turn on you.”

It dawned on him that Azula didn’t know about a lot of things. Father had only taught her about power and control. She was missing out on so many things. Love. Honor. Kindness. Camaraderie. Peace. Friendship. Freshly-brewed tea.

Zuko had missed out on some of those things too. It had been a harsh lesson realizing how badly he needed them. Azula had no idea yet.

“It doesn’t matter,” she muttered, almost to herself. “They don’t matter and you don’t matter.”

“Then why do you come here?”

Azula took something out of her pocket and threw it on his lap. He caught it in his hand automatically. She was out the door before he could look at it.

In the dark, Zuko felt around the small object for its texture. It was flaky and tough. He smelled it and his stomach grumbled in response. He considered it could be poisoned, but that wasn’t Azula’s style. Not when she had him at her mercy already.

He broke the slab of bread in two and took a bite. It was hard and dry and bitter, but it was food and he was too hungry to complain. He’d had old bread before. It was difficult to swallow it while thirsty, so he forced himself to take it slow instead of wolfing it down. He savored every last crumb.

His stomach was content, even with such a meager meal. He leaned back against the stone wall. If breathing didn’t hurt so much, this would be bearable.

Azula had given him something to eat. It was one of the nicest things she’d ever done for him. Not that the list was long. But still, it meant she cared for him in some away. It wasn’t just about keeping him alive, not yet. It was better than the nothing they’d had their whole lives. Zuko would take what he could get. He hadn’t been particularly good to her either.

It was obvious Azula was not okay. She was his little sister. It was his duty to help her.


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
> Enjoy!

His next meal was an odd experience. He was asleep, dreaming that the masters Ran and Shaw were teaching him how to make tea. The screech of the door woke him up and he turned to face it.

It hadn’t been long since her last visit, probably less than a day. Azula walked in silently. The fire in her hand was small, just enough to cast a ghostly glow on her face.

“Hello, Azula,” he said in the same tone he greeted his friends.

Without a word, she put down a glass of water in front of him. She reached inside her pocket and drew another piece of bread, dropping it next to the glass.

“Don’t want you dying on me,” she said on her way out. “Yet.”

“Wait!” Zuko called out, but the door as already closed behind her. “Thank you,” he whispered to himself.

He took a sip before going for the bread. He thought he tasted mold, but the stink in the cell might have something to do with it. It was as tough as the one before, but he was so hungry he didn’t care if it was a hotcake or week-old bread.

Zuko rationed the water, but the glass was empty before he knew it. He was still so thirsty. Would Azula bring him more?

She’d brought him food and water without mocking him or making him beg for it. She hadn’t even stayed. Perhaps there was no ulterior motive. Perhaps Azula was just being nice to him, or whatever nice meant by her standards.

 _Or perhaps she’s playing you_.

That should’ve been his first thought. It was definitely a possibility. With his sister, it was the most likely possibility. But why? Whatever she wanted from him, the Dai Li could get it more efficiently. And if she was doing it for the amusement of messing with him, well, Azula didn’t seem to be having much fun. On the contrary. He was sure there was something wrong with her. It had been for a while now.

As her older brother, he’d step up to the task and help her. He just didn’t know how.

Growing up, they had never been siblings to each other, but enemies. Uncle and Father weren’t a great example, and the Fire Lord was always pitting his children against each other. Lu Ten had been the closest thing to an older brother Zuko ever had, but he’d been a lot older and he’d left for the war when Zuko was still young.

It wasn’t until he joined Aang and the rest of the group that he’d learned what true siblings were like. Not just Katara and Sokka, but the whole group. They were a family. It was so different from anything he’d ever known, it’d felt like a different reality altogether. At first, he’d felt like an outsider looking in, there but never able to fully join them, not even after they’d accepted him. He still did. It would never be as easy and effortless and true to him as it was to them.

At least he wasn’t alone in it. There was some consolation in the fact that Azula was just as inadequate as he was. That weekend at Ember Island was more than proof of that.

Zuko sighed. Surprisingly, he found himself looking back at it with fondness.

It had been a terrible weekend and he’d hated most of it. He’d been angry the entire time, Mai had broken up with him, and the party had been a disaster. But when he’d stormed off to their old home to sulk, Azula had been the one to rescue him from cherished memories that were long gone and would never return.

She’d known to look for him there. He’d been sitting at the entrance, holding the stone with his baby handprint he and Mother had made. So much had happened since then.

_The wind had prickled at his skin, bringing with it the deep smell of the sea. Azula’s steps had been silent in the sand._

_“I thought I’d find you here.”_

_Where else would he have gone?_

_“Those summers we spent here seem so long ago. So much has changed.” It felt like a lifetime had occurred between their childish games and the deadly ones they played now._

_“Come down to the beach with me,” she’d said kindly. “This place is depressing.”_

His sister disappeared from sight, along with the stunning landscape and the crash of the waves in the distance. Their old house fell away around him as he returned to his dark cell.

She’d been right. It was a sort of self-inflicted cruelty to remember they’d been a family once. If not happy, they’d been _happi-ish_. It had been an entirely different life. He’d been an entirely different Zuko.

Azula had come for him when she had nothing to gain from it. She’d been genuinely worried about him.

Sitting around the fire had been heartwrenching for all of them. They’d opened up about the deepest parts of themselves. It had been awful, like ripping a literal hole inside him, but they were all the better for it. It had helped them understand each other. Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee had helped him understand himself.

After all was said and done, even Azula – the perfect girl with a perfect life – had her own secrets to confess, despite claiming otherwise.

_“I could sit here and complain about how our mom liked Zuko more than me, but I don't really care.” Her voice sounded exactly like it had that night. “My own mother thought I was a monster. She was right, of course, but it still hurt.”_

What a horrible thing to say. Did Azula really think that? Their mother would’ve never thought such a thing about her own daughter, no matter what. It was so sad that Azula felt so unloved by her own mother. Mother loved her, he was sure of it, but that wouldn’t make Azula hurt any less if she didn’t believe it.

Once again, they were opposites. Zuko had spent most of his life convinced his father loved him – had to love him – in some way, despite the evidence to the contrary. Azula believed her mother didn’t love her when, in truth, she did. While Azula was Father’s favorite, had Mother preferred Zuko?

He’d never thought of it that way. To him, Mother only spent so much time with him and was nicer to him because Father never was. Mother was harsher on Azula, yes, but hadn’t she deserve it for all the mean things she said and did? Or was he looking at the past through the eyes of his childhood, unable to see Mother’s flaws the same way he had Father’s?

Either way, he didn’t know what was more tragic: that Azula, like him, had suffered the rejection of not being loved by a parent, or that she was loved and never knew it.

There was something very _wrong_ with how easy it was to unravel the perfection of Azula’s life. Just by pulling a single thread, it all came crashing down. How had she hidden it for so long?

Or had he simply never paid enough attention?

He’d failed Azula. He’d failed his little sister. She was just as broken as he was and he’d never even realized it, much less tried to help her. Now she was falling apart in a thousand little pieces.

Azula needed him more than ever. This time, he’d be there for her.

Sokka was the best older brother Zuko knew. He couldn’t ask him for advice, so he’d have to settle for trying to piece it together from what he knew of his friend. What would Sokka do?

“You know she’s crazy, right?” Sokka’s voice said.

Zuko looked around to find Sokka sitting against the wall next to him. There was no light, but Zuko could see him clearly, ponytail and boomerang and all. In the dark, his imagination could summon perfect copies.

“Doesn’t change the fact that she needs me,” he said out loud instead of arguing in his head.

“She almost killed you!” Sokka cocked his head to one side then nodded. “Should’ve started with that.”

Zuko ran his fingers through his hair. It was dirty and disgusting, and he remembered he hadn’t washed in a while.

“I know. But she’s my sister. I have to.”

“The trying-to-kill-you thing gets you off the hook, man,” Sokka said with wild, emphatic gestures.

Zuko sighed. “Wouldn’t you do the same for Katara?”

“Katara would never do that.” Sokka’s tone was cold and hard and unforgiving. It turned lighter again, “She would never try to drown me or turn me into ice cream.”

It wasn’t funny. Anywhere else, Zuko wouldn’t even smile, waiting for Toph, Katara or Suki to call Sokka out on his lame joke. But here and now, he appreciated softening a hard truth and he really needed the laugh. Besides, it was his own joke.

“She wasn’t raised by Ozai.”

“Dude, you’re kinda proving _my_ point. _You_ were raised by him too and you’re not an evil psycho.”

That was the thing, wasn’t it? Zuko had done a lot of bad things too. He’d wanted to drag a child in chains back to his father. He’d chased Aang across the world. He’d betrayed Uncle after everything he’d done for him.

Zuko wasn’t as bad as Azula, but he hadn’t always been good either. If he’d deserved a chance to redeem himself, why didn’t she?

“Well, you actually wanted to change and be good. Azula seems happy being evil,” Sokka said in response to Zuko’s thoughts.

It startled him for a fraction of a second that his friend could read his mind before he remembered that this Sokka was only imaginary. The copy was so close to the real version that it was too easy to forget that he was still alone in his cell.

“She’s not happy! She’s... miserable.” _Broken_.

“Honestly, Zuko, I don’t care how she feels. She tried to kill Aang and that’s enough to cross her off my book.”

When Azula shot Aang, Zuko had been fighting on her side. It had been their common goal to capture the Avatar. Those had been his Father’s orders, the condition for his return home. But if the Fire Lord had told him to kill the Avatar, would he have done it? Would he even have hesitated?

It chilled him to not know the answer.

Even if he’d tried, he would’ve never been able to kill Aang. His sister had used lightning, her favorite weapon, but he couldn’t even generate it without it blowing up in his face.

Perhaps competence was the key difference. Many of the things Azula had done Zuko would’ve simply failed if he’d tried them. If he had been as good as Azula, he would’ve captured the Avatar long before he got to the North Pole. If he had been as good as Azula, his father would’ve cared for him and taught him ruthlessness, cruelty, and greed. If he had been as good as Azula, he’d be as evil as her.

“Okay, I’ll give you that,” Sokka acquiesced with an eye-roll “Being Ozai’s favorite kid fucked up Azula. But you can’t change what already happened. It’s too late.”

“She’s my sister, I have to try,” he insisted. It was his duty as her big brother. “I’m not giving up on–”

The door flew open and Azula stormed in. The flame in her hand was too big, too bright. It filled the room with a blinding blue light that vanquished every shadow on every corner and every wall crack.

Zuko shaded his face with his hands. Sokka’s copy had vanished.

“Who are you talking to?” Azula demanded. Her eyes moved all around the room as if she actually expected to see someone there. Zuko was underground, obviously nobody had rescued him yet, and no servant or guard was foolish enough to come here against her orders. So who was she looking for?

“Myself, of course,” he said, moving his fingers slowly from his eyes. “Who else?”

“Must’ve been a fascinating conversation then.” Azula sneered as her flame shrank to just enough for her to see. She put down a glass of water and a slab of bread and got up to leave. “You’re losing it faster than I thought.”

“Wait! Don’t go, please.”

A part of him he wished he could burn to ash hated him for the weakness in his voice and the truth in his words.

His sister turned around slowly, a smirk on her lips and a gleam in her eye.

“Are you so lonely that you want _me_ to keep you company?” she asked. “I’m great company, of course, but wow, you’re desperate.”

Zuko wasn’t going to tell her he had the company of imaginary versions of his friends. Azula was the only real person he could talk to. He _was_ lonely.

“Yeah, there’s no one else around here. Stay, please.”

Azula looked at the floor in front of Zuko and her nose wrinkled in disgust. A jet of blue fire shot from her hand, burning whatever dirt was on the ground. She blew the ash away and sat down with her back against the wall.

“How’s the food, Zuzu?”

He could not believe what was happening. Azula was sitting in that filthy cell with him making casual conversation. The world was upside down. Was this an imaginary Azula, just like Sokka? Maybe she was right and he was losing it.

He broke a small piece of bread and put it in his mouth, ignoring the clink of the chains. The bread was beyond tough, but it was real enough. He took a sip of water to help it go down.

“Terrible.” It sounded ungrateful, but Azula knew very well how bad it was. There was no point in lying. “But I’m hungry enough to eat it.”

“You used to be a prince. You used to demand the cook prepare you whatever you wanted. And now…” Azula trailed off, her eyes focused on the flame in her hand. She met his gaze. “What were you thinking?”

He sighed. It wasn’t something he could explain to his sister. She would never understand. They’d had different teachers and they’d learned different things.

“It was the right thing to do.”

Azula laughed softly.

“How can it be right if it ends like this?”

Zuko forced down another bite of bread. One would think that starving made any food seem delicious, but that was not true. Desperation didn’t make things better than they were, it just lowered the bar.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“No, I wouldn’t. You could’ve been the next in line to rule the Fire Nation, to rule the entire world.”

“There are more important things than power, Azula.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“Such as?”

He took a deep breath, knowing she would mock him for what he was about to say.

“Peace. Balance. Happiness. L–”

“Power makes me very happy,” Azula said hastily.

Zuko looked at his sister, truly looked at her. How could she tell such an obvious lie? There were dark circles under her bloodshot eyes. Her hair was a mess with awkwardly cut bangs and her clothes were rumpled. She was on edge and twitchy. Her voice was uneven. There was nothing happy about the girl in front of him.

“No, it doesn’t,” he said. “You’re Fire Lord, but you’re miserable.”

Azula was on her feet in an instant. Her flame was huge once again, too big for her hand. Zuko shuffled back before he’d catch fire.

“What do you know? I’m perfectly happy!” she screeched, looming over him.

His sister looked terrifying, all fire and rage, but he wasn’t scared. He was worried.

“Who are you trying to fool, Azula? You or me? ‘Cause it’s not gonna work on either of us.”

Zuko could almost hear Uncle’s voice under his own. Was this what Uncle would say? Perhaps he’d picked up on more than he’d thought.

“You’re an idiot, Zuko! You think you understand _me_? You know nothing about me. And I _am_ happy!”

She stormed off and slammed the door behind her.

“I know you’re not okay,” he screamed after his sister, hoping she’d listen, hoping she’s come back, hoping he could make her better.

Darkness and silence settled around him again.

Zuko slumped against the wall, chewing on the rest of the bread. It could very well be his last meal. He’d just accidentally pushed away the one person keeping him alive. Azula looked angrier than when she’d beaten him up. She might never come back and leave him to rot and starve.

Why did he have to be so bad at being the big brother looking after his little sister? Why couldn’t he be more like Sokka? Why wasn’t it easy and natural for him too?

_Because you’re Ozai’s son._

The thought turned to ash in his mouth and made him nauseous. He drained the rest of the water but the taste didn’t go away. It never would because it would never be any less true.

He wasn’t lucky to be born and Azula wasn’t born lucky. There was no luck in being born to Ozai. They were doomed from birth, poisoned and ruined by their father’s hand. Zuko had thought he’d suffered the most because their father despised him and burned him. But it was Azula who’d had it worse because Ozai loved her like a part of himself.

Zuko was broken but he was putting himself together. He wasn’t beyond repair. There was more to him that what the Fire Lord had made of his son. He didn’t know if he could say the same about Azula.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
> Enjoy!

His entire life Azula had always been ahead of him. He’d still been stumbling through the basic  firebending forms and she’s already excelled at them, executing them with the flowing grace that always came so easy to her. Father loved her – his little  firebending prodigy  –  when he could barely stand to look at Zuko. She was perfect at everything she tried. Everyone loved her, the Fire Nation’s darling princess.

Now, more than ever, she was far beyond his reach. She was Fire Lord while he was her prisoner, defeated and helpless.

And yet, this was the first time he realized he was better off than she was.

Zuko knew the bitter taste of failure. He failed most of the time, only to try again and again and again. What else could he do? Failure wasn’t an option, not for the Fire Lord’s children. Both he and Azula strived for the same thing, she was just better at it.

When Zuko struggled, he’d always had someone to help him get back up. First Mother, then Uncle, and lately his friends. Azula knew nothing of failure but what she had despised in Zuko. Now that she was tasting it for  the  first time, she had no one to tell her that it was okay, that there was nothing wrong with trying again. All she had was the contempt she’d always felt at Zuko’s shortcomings.

Recently, she’d been failing a lot. First, he’d left during the Day of Black Sun and she’d never seen it coming. Then he and  Sokka had broken Chief  Hakoda , Suki and Chit Sang out of the Boiling Rock, the inescapable prison. Mai and Ty Lee had betrayed Azula to help Zuko, and she’d been left alone, no brother and no friends. At the Western Air Temple, Zuko had fought at her level and she hadn’t been able to kill him. Finally, she’d almost lost the Agni Kai.

It couldn’t be easy to go through that. Azula wasn’t taking it well. Zuko hadn’t paid attention, he’d been too busy fighting for his life. He’d seen it at the Agni Kai, not knowing what it was, and used it against her. Now he realized what was wrong.

It was all his fault. He started it. He hadn’t just failed to protect his little sister. He’d broken her.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Mai said flatly. “It’s not your fault.”

She leaned against the  wall, arms crossed in front of her chest. There was no light, but her black hair shone against her blank face. She looked at him from above, her gaze as sharp and deadly as her daggers.

His heart lurched in his chest. Mai looked angry and beautiful.

“Mai!”

Zuko tried to get up, forgetting where he was, but the chains kept him on his knees. He reached out with his hand, unable to touch her. She didn’t move.

“You broke up with me, Zuko. I’m still pissed.”

“I’m sorry! I tried to tell y – ”

She raised a hand to silence him.

“Save it. That’s not why I’m here,” she said. Her voice betrayed nothing. “You thought you should ask your Water Tribe friend for advice. Your brain knows better.”

His heart filled with lead.  Of course she wasn’t really here. He should’ve known that. But while  Sokka’s copy had been just an extension of his imagination, Mai’s had come unbidden.

Zuko sat back down and hugged his knees. He wanted so badly for Mai to be real. Disappointment tightened around him, and the pain in his chest tore through him. His loneliness was getting to him.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to this  Mai and he knew he definitely shouldn’t. With  Sokka , he’d known he wasn’t real from the start. But with Mai , he’d been so happy to see her that he hadn’t considered she wasn’t  actually there . Talking with  Sokka’s copy had been only thinking out loud, but Mai was blurring the line between what he wanted to be true and what he believed. What if by talking to her, acknowledging her, next time he wouldn’t know at all?

Was that so bad? Either he’d have some company to make him less lonely for the rest of his life or his friends would come get him and this would all be in the past. Was it so wrong to crave a little happiness for now?

“Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?” Mai’s copy asked. “You’re not the only unhappy person in the world, you know.”

His mind was doing a great job  of portraying angry Mai. She didn’t raise her voice and her expression didn’t change, but anyone who knew her could tell. Just like the original.

There were plenty of unhappy people in the world. This war had ruined so many lives already. He wanted to end it, he’d tried to, but he’d failed. How much destruction had he unleashed on the world? How much blood was on his sister’s hands because he couldn’t stop her?

“That’s not your fault either,” Mai said, a degree of softness seeping into her words. “Azula is the one spreading pain and suffering, not you.”

Zuko looked away into the darkness and ran a hand through his hair. The metallic rattle of his manacles echoed in the stone walls.

“I could’ve done more... I should’ve been a better brother...”

“She enjoys it, Zuko. Same way she enjoyed tormenting you.”

He felt a hand on his shoulder. The copy was all too real now and he feared that if he looked at  her he’d forget she was just in his head.

All the memories of all the things Azula had done to him came rushing back. All the times she’d mocked him, all the times she’d hurt him, all the times she’d humiliated him. His sister had spent their entire childhood taunting him for her own amusement. She was still the monster in his nightmares sometimes as she had been when he was a kid.

What could he have done differently? He’d always fought back with words or fire. Azula had always beat him at both. That only spurred her on. She loved to win. It made Father love her more.

“ Ozai made her this way.” Zuko spat his father’s name.

“But not you.”

“He never had much time for me.”

The bitterness surprised him. His father was a monster, he knew that. The Fire Lord was a horrible man who’d ruined both his nation and his family. He was better off away from him. And yet, Zuko still resented that his father never loved him, never cared for him, never played with him. Uncle was his real father, guiding him, supporting him, and loving him unconditionally. So why did it hurt that  Ozai was never a father at all?

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mai slide down the wall to sit beside him. Her hand ran down his arm and she laced her fingers through his.

“You don’t need him, Zuko. Never have. Look at who you’ve become without him. Look at what happened to Azula.”

Was the real Mai just as proud of him? Or did she think him a traitor to his nation? He’d left without saying goodbye, leaving only a letter breaking up with her, and Mai had still turned on his sister to save him. That wasn’t just saying something, that was undeniable proof that Mai cared about him. It took a lot more than bravery to face Azula at her best.

Wow. What a spectacular girl.

“She’s all alone, you know.” It wasn’t an excuse, not really. He just felt truly sorry for his sister. “She’s lost all her friends.”

“Azula never had any friends. I was afraid of her, and Ty Lee was afraid too, I suppose. Azula can’t have friends. She doesn’t get people. She only wants to make them do what she wants.”

Mai was right. Azula used every trick in the book to get people to do her bidding. Threats, coercion, manipulation, lies. It had always worked for her. She had always been in control. Not anymore. Her world was falling apart. Her tricks didn’t work anymore. She wasn’t in control anymore. What had always defined her wasn’t true anymore. Was it any wonder that she wasn’t okay?

“Azula needs friends, just like everyone else. I  gotta help her.”  _ I’m her older brother. I can’t leave her again. _

Mai sighed and stood up slowly. Her fingers left a trace of cold behind where they had just been warm against his skin.

“I know you want to be her friend, Zuko. You want to help her. But does Azula even want help?”

Mai leaned over him and kissed his forehead gently. He looked up, hoping for a last glimpse of her, but she was already gone.

Hours passed. Or was  it days? Time flowed unevenly in that cold, quiet darkness. Minutes felt like weeks. Hours slipped through his fingers before he knew it.

Sometimes he opened his eyes and he wasn’t sure if he’d just closed them or if he’d slept for hours. Even his dreams meant nothing because he could no longer tell if they were dreams, memories, or his mind playing more tricks on him.

Zuko didn’t know how long he’d been imprisoned. He guessed only days, going by Azula’s visits, but he was aware that could be inaccurate. She came when she pleased, without a schedule or any care for his survival. His hunger pangs were constant to the point of becoming ordinary, another pain to get used to. He got dizzy if he moved too fast.

Not that he was moving much anymore. Even if he could, he was too  tired and his body was too heavy. He just leaned against the wall and drifted in and out of sleep. The exhaustion was creeping inside him. It was getting hard to think too, sometimes, but he forced himself to keep focused. Thinking was the only thing he still had.

One thing he knew: Azula had never been away for this long. He didn’t know how long, but he was sure it was longer than before. He hoped she would come back, wanted to believe that she would, convinced himself that she couldn’t stay away. But he knew that all he had on Azula were guesses, suppositions, and overdue half-baked realizations. He thought he was figuring out his sister, looking behind her mask and her cruelty, but he couldn’t be sure. Nothing was certain with Azula.

If this was it, he hoped he’d made a difference. He hoped the world was a better place now. He hoped Uncle and his friends were alright. It was getting harder to cling to hope.

At first, he  came to the conclusion that Azula was lying when she’d said they were all dead.  _ Azula always lies _ was one of the few unshakable truths about her. But if they weren’t dead, why hadn’t  Toph knocked down the walls to get to him? The doubt was deep inside his heart and growing stronger.

They couldn’t be dead. He refused to accept that. But they could be hurt. That would delay any rescuing missions. Ba Sing Se was still heavily occupied by the Fire Nation, which could’ve been a problem for Uncle and the White Lotus. Or maybe the group had trouble stopping the airships full of  firebenders set on burning down the Earth Kingdom. Perhaps fighting the Fire Lord had taken a toll on  Aang . Taking care of the Avatar certainly took precedence over saving Zuko. There had to be a reasonable explanation that didn’t include Azula being right.

Whatever the reason, if they didn’t come soon, it might be too late for him. He was okay with that. He didn’t want to die, but there were worse things that could happen. Zuko had faced death several  times before and in some of those occasions he’d truly believed he was going to die. It hadn’t mattered because there had always been more important things. It didn’t matter now either. Saving the world was more important.

The sound of footsteps announced Azula’s return, steps so soft they could only be heard in that absolute silence. Blue light crept in like a shadow, followed by the door creaking open.

“Morning,  Zuzu ,” she greeted, but it could just as well be midnight.

She dropped a bag at his feet. There wasn’t enough light to pe e k inside. Weary, Zuko stuck his hand inside it and grabbed something round and soft. It smelled delicious, so he took a tentative bite. It was a sweet cake. With cream filling. It was amazing. He would’ve wept with joy if he still could.

That raised so many questions. But there was something else he wanted to ask first. Something he’d asked before, but he hoped Azula would be in a better mood this time.

“Why do you come here?”

Azula rolled her eyes and put down the glass of water.

“No ‘thank you’? Mother should’ve taught you to be more polite,” she said, looking sideways at a corner. “Well, people tend to be more useful when they’re alive, even someone as useless as you, Little  Zuzu .”

Before he knew it, he’d already munched down on the  sweetcake . He reached inside the bag again and, for his utter relief and delight, there were plenty more.

“Yeah, but why  _ you _ ? Why not a servant or guard?”

“Banished them all,” she shrugged. “Couldn’t trust them.”

Zuko almost dropped his pastry. “All of them?”

Azula was pacing rapidly now, the sound of her steps lost in its own echo. Every time she  turned, her eyes darted to that same corner.

“Of course. You never know who’ll betray you next,” she said  casually .

It sent a chill down his spine, but the fear wasn’t for himself. There was nothing casual about this.

“You’re being paranoid, Azula,” he blurted out, worry breaking every word.

“Paranoid?” she shrieked, stopping right in front of him. “It’s not paranoia when your friend turns on you to save her shitty boyfriend!”

Zuko swallowed. Suddenly he was feeling nauseous. Mai had said it wasn’t his fault, but she was only in his head and she was wrong. He’d done this and he didn’t know how to fix it.

“What will Father think about that?”

That had to get to her. If there was something his sister cared about more than herself it was the Fire Lord’s opinion. Like Zuko, she was obsessed with getting his praise.

She laughed bitterly and resumed pacing.

“Father? He  _ left _ and made me Fire Lord, so he doesn’t get a say anymore.” The hurt in her voice was heartbreaking. It clawed at the  both of them in different ways.

What could make Azula speak of  Ozai like that? What could have made the Fire Lord fall in her eyes? Zuko had never hated him more than in that moment. He’d hurt his daughter who’d risked her life and done his dirty work while he sat on a throne behind a wall of flame. That man had destroyed both his children and he didn’t deserve either of them.

If  Aang hadn’t done it, Zuko would kill him. Burn him to ash.

Fire stirred inside him again, igniting the pain in his chest. He looked down to see his shackled hands balled into fists, sparks flying. He opened them slowly and twin flames rose from his palms. Just as he’d been taught as a child, hate and anger were driving his  firebending . He snuffed out the flames.

“What happened? What did he do to you?” he whispered, but it sounded so loud in the aftermath of Azula’s broken voice.

“To me? Nothing. He just left.  _ Without me. _ I’d worked so hard. It was my  plan, I should’ve been there by his side. But when the time came, he brushed me aside. He told me I had to stay behind an d defend the Fire Nation. But what good is it being Fire Lord, when he’s the Phoenix King? It’s no more than a title! Father treated me like a child! He tried to fool  me and I fell for it,” she ranted, even steps as she walked back and forth, her flame reacting to the rhythm of her words. “He treated me like you.”

Fury ran inside his veins in a way it never had when Father had treated  _ him _ like dirt. How dare  Ozai treat his sister like that?

It hadn’t been just a hard blow. After such a string of betrayals, it was the final one. The brother she both despised and cared about. The two friends she always kept by her side but couldn’t quite control. The Father she adored and lived to impress.

“I’m so sorry, Azula,” he said, because what else could he say?

She made a sound between a snort and  a  sigh.

“Don’t be. I don’t need him. He failed. But I’m Fire Lord and  _ I’ll _ take over the world, comet or no comet.”

His thoughts were racing.  _ He failed _ echoed  over and over again in his head. So Azula really had lied.  Aang had defeated  Ozai . She’d probably lied about everything else as well. His friends were alive, maybe even fine. He’d suspected it, wanted to believe it, but now he knew it.

Relief crashed into him. He laughed and sobbed, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. It hurt, but it didn’t matter. It was over.

“ Aang won,” he muttered when he wanted to scream it. He didn’t add “you lied”. It didn’t matter now.

“Yeah, what an embarrassment. Father couldn’t beat a twelve-year-old child.” It was almost the same tone she used to mock Zuko, but he could hear the hurt and anger behind it. “And now it’s my turn to kill the Avatar. Again.”

A wave of shame washed over him and made him shiver. He wanted to slap his younger self. Azula had only been able to shoot  Aang with lightning because Zuko had been fighting on her side. If  Katara hadn’t had the  w ater from the Spirit Oasis, if she hadn’t been able to bring  Aang back, the world’s only hope would’ve been gone forever. And it would’ve been his fault.

Zuko had joined the group to try to help save the world and to atone for his many, many mistakes. But no matter what he did, he could never erase his past. The shame would always follow him. He could only change the present to open  the  way for a better future.

It seemed like he already had.

“ Aang can redirect lightning now.”  _ I taught him that. _ _ I helped save the world. _

Azula stopped again. She looked down at him with a hand on her hip.

“ So can you. How well did that turn out for you?”

“ Aang’s better than me.”

“ Of course he is,” she laughed. “A five-year-old is better than you,  Zuzu . And this kid is the Avatar, the so-called master of all four elements.”

“He isn’t just a better bender, he’s smarter than me too. He wouldn’t come here without back up.”

“Oh,  Zuzu , are you going to lecture me on the power of friendship?” she said, before adding bitterly: “That ship has already sailed, I’m afraid.”

“You don’t know what friends are, Azula. You think you know  people, you think you can control them and play them. But you don’t  _ get _ them because you’re not like them. And neither am I.”

Azula sat down beside him. She crinkled her nose but said nothing. She took a  sweetcake from the bag and chewed on it.

“Are you going to tell me we’re the same again?” she asked between bites. “We’re nothing alike.”

It was his turn to get another pastry. Wow, they were so  good and he was still so hungry.

“We have a lot in common. More than with anyone else.”

“Perhaps,” she said. She licked some cream o f f her finger, looking a lot like a girl and nothing like a queen. “We’re royalty, no one’s like us. But it doesn’t make us the same.”

“No,” he sighed, looking at his cake and trying to get over the lump in his throat. “Father made us the same. We’d both do anything for his love and attention. Do anything he wanted. Obey him blindly. Why do we want his love so bad?”

“Because we can’t have it.” His sister stared into space, her gaze falling on the same dark corner. She closed her eyes for a long moment and took a deep breath. “He doesn’t care about us, you know. I thought he loved  _ me _ , but he only cares about what I can do for him.”

“He doesn’t deserve us.”  _ So why do I still care? _ “But I don’t know how to get over him.”

Azula scooted closer to Zuko until her shoulder brushed his. It startled him, but he didn’t move.

“Neither do I.”

A long silence stretched between them as they ate. A lot had been said, but a lot more had been read between the lines, filling the cracks of their shared experience and bridging a gap that should’ve never been there. It didn’t fix anything. It didn’t erase years of rivalry and mutual hostility. But it was  the first step towards each other.

What their father had done to them  – what he’d made of them  – was something only they could understand. It bonded them in ways they had never thought about before. Uncle and his friends were supportive and understanding, but they couldn’t  _ know _ this, know it deep inside in their hearts and their spirits. This was an indelible part of only Zuko and Azula.

Zuko didn’t want to carry this weight forever, but he didn’t know how to let it go and he knew he’d never be completely rid of it. Azula didn’t know either. But maybe if they worked together, they could help each other find the way to fix themselves.

There was such a long way ahead.

“I want us to be friends,” he said. “Brother and sister.”

Only after he said it did he realize how badly he wanted it. Without knowing it, he’d wanted it for a long time, ever since he’d joined the group and seen  Sokka ,  Katara ,  Toph , Suki , and  Aang together. He’d wanted that for himself and Azula. Siblinghood.

Azula laughed as if he’d told the funniest joke.

“We can’t be friends,  Zuzu . I t’s too late for us. Besides, we’re on opposite sides of the war.”

The war was over. The Fire Lord had been defeated. Unless the new Fire Lord wanted to keep it going. The comet had come and gone. The war could go back the way it had been. Even if they’d lost Ba Sing Se, they could take it again. It didn’t need to be the end; it could be just a setback. Azula was a great strategist  – better than  Ozai , even  – and she could turn the war back in her favor.

But why?

“We don’t have to be. There’s no reason to keep fighting.”

“Yes, there is. I still want to win.  _ I _ will be Phoenix King.”

“Why? To show Father you can do what he couldn’t? Do you still care what he thinks?”

_ I know I do, but I don’t want to. _

She waved her free hand dismissively.

“Not everything’s about Father,  Zuzu . I just like winning and power.”

“No matter the cost? The millions of lives wasted and lost on the front lines don’t matter to you? And what for? A title? The thrill of conquest? Ruling over everyone else?”

“You wouldn’t understand. You never tasted victory.”

“And you need to learn to accept that you lost like you lost our Agni Kai,” he said viciously. He regretted his tone and turned to her softly . “Let the war end, Azula. Please. It won’t make you happy.”

Azula looked up at the shadows in the corner, before focusing on him for a long time. The scar on his face. His dirty clothes. The burn on his chest. The chains around his sore wrists. She took him  all in. Then she pulled her knees against her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around them, looking away.

“What would you know? You don’t look so happy yourself,” she murmured.

Zuko felt the strange urge to wrap an arm around her shoulders, to brush his fingers through her hair, to pull her into a hug. He’d never felt that towards Azula before . He wasn’t good at comforting people. He didn’t know the right thing to say or the right thing to do. But his little sister needed him to comfort her. And he would.

He raised his hands but stopped halfway through. Azula might not want to be touched.

“Getting shot with lightning and locked in an underground cell doesn’t help. But happiness is always a work in progress, anyway,” he said with half a laugh. “I can help you. We can help each other.”

Azula nodded and got up slowly. Her eyes lingered on him, on the corner, on the entire cell. There was such sadness in them. She walked away.

“Don’t go! Please.”

She looked at him over  her  shoulder.

“I… I have things to do. I’ll bring you more food and water tomorrow.”

The door clicked shut before he could say another word.

The wind ruffled his hair and buzzed in his ears. Under the wispy clouds, the word bellow looked like childish paintbrushes of blue, green and brown. Everything was so far away that it didn’t seem real anymore. He would never get tired of flying.

Zuko closed his eyes and leaned back with a smile. He spread his arms over the side of the saddle and turned his face up, enjoying the sunshine on  h is  skin .

He sighed with pleasure and  Appa growled happily in response.

“You two enjoy this too much,”  Toph complained.

“Relax and you might like it too,” Zuko replied.

“I prefer solid ground, where I can see, thank you very much.”

“My eyes are  closed, I can’t see either.”

“It’s not the same thing!”

Zuko straightened up and opened his eyes.  Toph was never at ease flying on  Appa , but she sounded grumpier than usual. When he looked at her, she seemed worried. Anxious, even.

There was no one else in the saddle and no one was guiding  Appa either. Zuko shuffled closer to  Toph .

“What’s wrong?” he asked gently.

She punched him in the arm. “Nothing.”

Zuko looked for the sun to determine the direction they were flying. Though the sky was a bright clear blue, the sun was nowhere to be found.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“ Gaoling ,” she said, so softly he could barely hear her.

He finally understood what they were doing in the air.

“We’re going to see your parents.”

She nodded. “If Azula gets a life-changing field trip so do I.”

_ Azula _ . The name echoed in his head as if in an empty room. Why would he go anywhere with his sister? They couldn’t stand each other. Last time he’d seen her, she’d tried to kill him and she’d almost succeeded.

_ No, that wasn’t the last time _ . Memories came to him in flashes. Orange and blue flames,  as  tall as the palace walls. The power of the comet inside him. Vivid blue lightning. The blinding pain that followed.

They’d fought an Agni Kai. He was in a cold cell somewhere beneath the palace. This was nothing but a pleasant dream.

His brain was getting weirder.  Sokka , Mai,  Toph . Who would it send next?

“When we see each other for real again, we’re going to see your family,” he promised, and he meant it.

Toph frowned and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “I don’t want to go.”

Zuko didn’t need her lie-detecting skills to know she wasn’t telling the truth. He knew her well and he knew what it was like to have unresolved family issues.

“They must miss you.”

“No, they miss the demure little girl they thought they had. They don’t miss  _ me _ .”

“Do you miss them?”

“I… I’m not sure,” she said, her brow furrowed. “I don’t miss who I used to  be, or pretended to be for them. But they’re my parents , and I – I love them, I guess. I just…”  She trailed off .

When it came to parent-child relationships, Zuko knew very well how complicated things could get. It could be very hard to talk about it, to say out loud what was in one’s heart, or to even think about it too much. In his experience, relationships with parents were a painful thing. His father was a monster and his mother  was …  _ gone _ .

But it wasn’t bad for everyone. Uncle had been a great father for Lu Ten and for Zuko himself too. Chief  Hakoda had to be good too to have raised  Katara and  Sokka to be such amazing kids who loved him so much.

Zuko hoped things would be good for  Toph as well. Not at first. It would hurt before it got better, but maybe she and her parents could figure out a way to fit together and be a family again.

He wished he had a family to get back too. Uncle and his friends were his true family, but he couldn’t let go of the dreams of his childhood yet. He wanted Mother back. He wanted Father to be what Zuko had always pretended he was. He wanted Azula to be his sister and his friend. 

There was still a chance to have the last one come true.

“Are we not enough for you?”  Toph asked suddenly. She didn’t sound angry, just sad.

Zuko flinched as if he’d been hit.

“What?!  Of course you are!”

“Then why do you want Azula so bad?”

“Because – because she’s like me.”

“Is that why you prefer her?”

“I don’t prefer Azula!”

“She’s nothing like you! She’s evil!”

Smoke blew out of his nose before he could hold himself back.

“And I’m not? Do you have any idea what I’ve done?!”

“Yeah, I do!”  Toph snapped. “But you’re good now. You changed because you wanted to do the right thing. Azula doesn’t  wanna change!”

If only things were that simple.


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was not unusual for a  firebender to dream about fire. Zuko didn’t even blink that one moment he was on  Appa arguing with  Toph and the next he was surrounded by flames.

It was not a pleasant dream anymore. It was a nightmare. Nothing good ever happened when Zuko dreamed of fire.

Most times, he dreamed of his father burning him. After the siege of the North Pole, he started dreaming of his ship blowing up with him trapped inside, unable to escape. Now he was in a small village he didn’t recognize, and  all of its wooden houses were burning.

The clash of metal rang in his ears over people’s screams. Walls cracked and crashed. The fire roared. It was deafening. All Zuko wanted to do was curl up on the floor, close his eyes, cover his ears, and wake up.

The ground shook under his feet and a  komodo rhino ran past him. The soldier hit an old man with a fireball. Zuko stared in horror as the man fell and didn’t move anymore. More rhinos came from all directions, chasing and cornering the villagers, leaving only death and destruction behind.

Zuko grabbed the reins of a passing rhino. He pulled himself up and kicked the rider to the ground. Charging at the soldiers, he tried a  firewhip , but no fire came out. He pulled on the reins and the beast followed his command, knocking down a soldier with its tail. A blast came from his right and he dodged, but one from the left threw him to the dirt.

He was on his feet in a second, ready for another round.

Someone shouted in the distance. That voice froze the blood in his veins.

Zuko ran towards it as fast as he could go. The closer he got, the worse the damage was. The flames were hotter and brighter. There was nothing but ruins and everyone was gone. He entered a fog of ash and silence.

He coughed. His eyes were in tears.

Through the smoke, he saw the rhino and the man riding it. The soldier w o re a helmet, but no faceplate. Zuko would never fail to recognize that scar.

A  firewhip flew from Zuko’s younger self and it hit a girl in green robes and white and red make-up. Another girl jumped and kicked him o f f his rhino, scaring away the animal. He rolled and aimed a spinning fire-kick at the girl. She hit a charred tree that crumbled over her. Two fire daggers flashed in the boy’s fists in time to meet a third girl’s  golden fans .

Zuko lunged and tackled his other self to the ground before he could hurt anyone else. The boys wrestled, punching and twisting and kicking, each trying to get the upper hand. Zuko grabbed his other self by the hair and slammed his head against the ground. His eyes rolled back into unconsciousness.

“Are you alright?” The girl extended a hand to him. It was hard to see Suki through the face paint.

“Yeah, thanks.”

He took her hand and she helped him up.

Suki ran to the girl under the heap of ash and burn ed branches. She cleared it away and put her ear to the girl’s chest. A sob broke out of her as she moved to the other girl and checked on her. The wail that followed told Zuko all he needed to know.

He woke up coughing. His chest was on fire and  opening up at the same time. He struggled to breathe. 

In the dark, the image of the dead  Kyoshi Warriors came to life before his eyes. A broken girl beneath a broken tree. Another one, burn ed and still, sprawled on the dust. No blood, no blade, just fire and death.

Zuko reached for his bucket. Everything spilled out of him. When there was nothing left, the horror and guilty remained at the pit of his stomach. The taste of ash still lingered on his tongue.

It had felt so real. Was it  really just a nightmare? Or was it  actually a memory? He couldn’t tell them apart.

All he remembered from his attack on  Kyoshi Island was chasing the Avatar. He remembered burning down the village as he looked for him. He remembered fighting the  Kyoshi Warriors that had tried to stop him. But all the details were fuzzy. He hadn’t paid much  attention, he’d been too focused on his mission.

Was this how it’d happened? Had he k –

The thought had him retching again. It didn’t matter that he’d barely eaten in the last few days or that his stomach was empty. His body was shaking uncontrollably. The room started spinning around him.

When Zuko opened his eyes, he was lying on the cold stone floor. The cramps in his stomach made him double over and his wound screamed when he breathed. He was too tired to sit up, so he dragged himself to the corner and leaned against the wall.

He’d done something horrible. Unspeakable. The worst thing was that he didn’t even remember it.  He hadn’t noticed it .  He hadn’t cared .  The lives of the people who got in his way hadn’t mattered. Capturing the Avatar was all that mattered.  So he could regain his honor and go home, back to his father.

He wasn’t a monster. He was something else. Something worse. Was there even a name for it?

_ Fire Lord _

Sozin ,  Azulon ,  Ozai . They’d all crushed whatever and whoever got in their way without a second thought.  Sozin had left his best friend to die and used the comet to wipe out an entire people.  Ozai had taken the throne from his grieving brother after his father’s mysterious death, he’d let his generals use young soldiers as cannon fodder, he’d decided to burn down the Earth Kingdom during the comet. There was evil in the Fire Lords. Zuko was just following his bloodline.

Was there a way out? Could he become a good person, a truly good person?

Uncle was a great person. Kind. Wise. Brave. Gentle. He always seemed to know what  was the right thing to do, what was the right choice to make. But even Uncle had made mistakes once. Could Zuko ever be half the man Uncle was? Perhaps there was hope for him yet.

“Hope? How dare you! You’re a monster!” Suki bellowed. She waved her arm, pointing at the bodies of the fallen warriors. “You killed my friends!”

This was not the Suki he knew. That girl was strong but soft. The woman staring down at him was as imposing and terrifying as Avatar  Kyoshi herself.

Suki wore her green uniform and bright make-up. Her fans were drawn and ready to strike.

“After everything you’ve done, do you think you can still make amends? You’re  Ozai’s son! Evil is part of you!”

She pulled her arm back. Zuko flinched against the wall. He wouldn’t defend himself. This was a punishment he deserved.

Suddenly the door opened wide. The light from Azula’s flame dispelled Suki.

His sister covered her mouth and nose with her hand as she walked in.

“What happened here, Zuko? Did you throw up?”

Zuko nodded weakly.

Azula approached in long strides and knelt beside him.

“What’s going on? Are you sick?” She laid a hand on his forehead. Not satisfied, she touched his skin with her lips. It made her look so much like Mother that it felt like  a  knife to the heart. “You don’t have a fever, but you’re shivering and your skin’s all clammy. I’m  gonna take you out of here.”

He pulled away, but he was cornered against the wall. He wasn’t sick and he wasn’t in the mood to put up with Azula and her lies.

His sister threw her hands up.

“Listen, Zuko, the cakes weren’t poisoned. I ate one too.”

He nodded again. Azula would rather kill him with her own weapons  and  make a show of it. Besides, if she wanted him dead, she would’ve killed him a long time ago.

“You’re a coward,” Suki said. “You can’t even face what you’ve done!”

Zuko’s eyes went wide. The  Kyoshi Warrior stood behind Azula, as solid and real as his sister. This was not supposed to happen. He could only see them in the dark, when being awake and asleep  wasn’t all that different and his imagination ran wild. But Azula’s flame was burning brightly and Suki was there again, her fans reflecting the blue light.

She couldn’t be just in his head. Was she a ghost? Had Suki died in the fight and came back to haunt him for the warriors he’d killed?

“What are you looking at?” Azula asked, looking over her shoulder and narrowing her eyes back at him.

“Nothing,” he mumbled, but his voice lacked conviction.

“Do you see  _ her _ ?” she insisted.

_ Her? _ Could Azula see her too? If Azula could see Suki, then she had to  be  real.  _ No! Suki’s dead. _

“You see Suki too?”

“What?! No! Mother!”

Suki’s image went up in smoke.

Azula was seeing their mother. It was not a good sign. She wasn’t locked in the dark where her mind could play cruel tricks on her like he was. If she was seeing a ghost, that meant Mother was d – No, Mother would never haunt Azula. She wouldn’t torment anyone, much less her own daughter.

So maybe Azula was seeing things that weren’t there. He’d seen there was something wrong with his sister. She wasn’t herself. Was this another part of it, another piece of her puzzle?

How could he help? Zuko would rather have the vicious Azula he knew than a shadow of his sister.

“You see Mother?” he asked.

Azula clamped her mouth shut as if she’d said something she hadn’t intended to. It was too late. He knew about it now and he wouldn’t drop the subject.

She turned away. Her golden eyes were shining. “What does it matter to you?”

_ I care about you _ . It shocked him how viscerally he meant it.

“I miss her too,” he whispered instead.

“Well, I don’t miss her at all! She follows me everywhere,” she said in her tone of always that now did very little to cover her lies.

“How long have you seen her?” he asked, not without a disturbing hint of envy. What was it like to feel like Mother was there?

“Just before my coronation. Said she wouldn’t miss it.” Her lip quivered as she  spoke and she clenched her jaw.

That was just after  Ozai left. Azula traded the father who left her for the mother that wasn’t real. Not since she’d disappeared. What a tragedy.

“Mother’s been with you all this time? Even here?”

How could he not have noticed that his sister was seeing things? He’d just started trying to be a better brother and he was already failing. Just like he did with everything else. His sister was falling  fast and he hadn’t even known. How could he catch her?

Azula turned to him in a flash. Her gaze seemed to burn right through him.

“I know she’s not real, Zuko! But I can’t get rid of her!”

_ Do you want to? _ He wasn’t sure he would in her place. He missed Mother so much.

No, this wasn’t right. Azula shouldn’t be seeing a mother that wasn’t there. She had a brother who was.

If only he knew what to do.

“I don’t know how to help.”

Her blue flame flared to the ceiling. Zuko shrank into his corner.

“I didn’t ask for your help!” she shrieked.

“I know, but I want to help you,” he said softly.

Azula jumped to her feet. The fire in her hand burn ed high and so bright it was almost blinding.

“You think I’m weak! You think I can’t handle things, that I can’t handle  _ her _ !” Tears were running freely down her cheeks. “But I can handle anything! I don’t need you to take care of me!”

He recalled having similar conversations with Uncle. How many times had Zuko screamed at Uncle that he didn’t need him? That he could do things on his own? That he didn’t need anyone? He’d been a horrible brat to Uncle. But he’d learn ed his lesson.

“There’s nothing wrong with letting people help you, Azula. Everyone needs someone to support them.”  _ I know I did. And I should’ve realized it sooner. _

Azula only turned away. When she spoke, it was so softly that he barely heard her. “Why?”

“Because I love you.”

“ _ She _ says that too.”

“It’s true. Mother loves you.” He hoped that wasn’t a lie. He hoped Mother was alive somewhere and that she still loved her children. He hoped Mother had always loved Azula.

His sister smiled sadly and looked at him.

“She’s not real, Zuko.”

“But the memory is.”

She dropped to her knees and pulled him against her. She wrapped her arms around him so tightly that it made breathing hurt even more, but he didn’t care. He hugged her back despite the chains.

He didn’t remember if they had ever hugged before.

“I miss her so much,” she sobbed over his shoulder. “I want her back. I want – I want…”

Zuko guessed what Azula wanted.

“I know. Me too,” he said. His eyes stung, but there were no tears for him.

Zuko allowed himself to relax in Azula’s arms as he felt her melt in his. It was bizarre to find comfort and warmth in  _ Azula _ of all people and it was  all the more touching for it.

They stayed like that for a long time, making up for years and years of fighting each other. The worst part of it all was that they’d been missing out on each other by their own choice. This was their first step to put all that behind them.

Azula was finally his sister and he was her brother. Neither of them knew how that worked, but they could figure it out. They would never be like other siblings. It was fine, they’d find their own way. They were going to be okay.

It was Azula who pulled away. She took a key ring from her pocket and opened the shackles around his wrists. The skin underneath was raw and bruised.

“Can you stand?”

Zuko nodded and braced himself against the wall. He hadn’t walked in days. His legs trembled and he swayed, but he managed to stay up. Azula gave him her arm and he took it, leaning on his sister for the first step.

“Thanks.”

Azula said nothing as she helped him along lengthy corridors and endless stairs. His body complained the entire time. Breathing hurt, his legs seemed made of lead, and his arms threatened to fall off from exhaustion. He could only drag himself forward.

“Your  Kyoshi friend,” his sister asked after a while, “is she gone?”

“Yeah.”

“Why her?”

“I – ” What would he say? It was too much. How could he even say it out loud? That he’d – that he’d killed two girls ? His stomach turned and Zuko felt dizzy. He covered his face with his hand. “I killed two of her friends.”

“You killed two  Kyoshi Warriors?” She sounded both skeptical and impressed. That last part made him want to throw up.

He nodded.

“When I was hunting the Avatar, I attacked a village on  Kyoshi Island. I didn’t notice it then because I didn’t care, but the other night I had a dream, I remembered. I k—”

“A dream? Zuko, it was just a nightmare.”

He shook his head.

“No, you don’t understand. It was real, it was a memory.”

Azula brushed his hand  o f f of his face gently and tilted his chin so he would face her. He couldn’t bear the warmth in her eyes and looked away. His sister was comforting him, not hurting him. With every little thing, he realized it was something that had always been missing.

“I don’t think you  _ could _ kill two  Kyoshi Warriors even if you wanted to, Little  Zuzu .” The belittlement she’d always used against him she now used to help him. It was oddly sweet.

“What if I did? I don’t remember much of the fight. I was so focused on the Avatar that I didn’t even register anything else. Even if I didn’t kill them, I could have, and it wouldn’t matter. They’d just be an obstacle to get over. I would’ve stepped over anyone and anything. I would’ve burned the whole world down if I had to.”

_ No, you wouldn’t _ , any of his friends would’ve said. Uncle too. But Zuko knew that wasn’t true. He would’ve done whatever it took to fulfill his father’s orders. None of them understood that. But Azula did.

“ Of course you would,” she said. “You wanted to come home to the palace, to Father. What else could you do?”

Zuko had no answer for her. Neither of them  spoke as he kept leaning on his sister at every step and she kept supporting him.

When they finally reached the parts of the palace he knew, he barely recognized them. They were so empty and silent. There was no hustle and bustle, no hushed voices, no chores being done. There was no one around. Every servant was gone. Banished.

He’d have to do something about that.

They went to his old rooms. It was such a relief to be back there that he almost  kneeled and kissed the floor . He was home again.

His bed was unmade, but his clothes were still in the closet and the shelves were still lined with his books and trinkets. A royal headpiece was still on the dresser. His half-burned meditation candles were still on the low table. He could almost pretend he’d never left.

Azula helped him to the couch and turned to go.

“Do you know what happened at the North Pole?” he asked.

“Zhao got most of the Fire Nation fleet destroyed against the  _ Northern Water Tribe _ .” She stopped and sat on a chair across from him. “Not our nation’s finest moment.”

“I was there too, you know,” he said, and she nodded. “ Aang was meditating in the Spirit World and  Katara was protecting him, but I managed to get the best of her. I ran away with him, but then we were caught in a terrible blizzard. When  Katara and the others found us, I challenged her to fight.”

His sister burst out laughing. After a second he found himself laughing too. It was embarrassingly stupid, but it was kind of funny too.

“ So you challenged a  waterbender to a fight, at the North Pole, during a blizzard? What else, was it  night  time too? Wow, Zuko, that is so you.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah.”

He had no words for how he felt about himself, who he used to be, who he hoped he’d never be again. It wasn’t just  hate . It wasn’t just shame. It wasn’t just horror. It was all three at once, more than the sum of the parts. Did that mean he had truly changed? He wanted to forget he’d ever been that boy.

There was a hand on his shoulder. Zuko hadn’t even heard Azula approach. He looked up at her.

“You desperately need a bath,” she said, crinkling her nose. “I’ve heated you a tub.”

Zuko did not say that she was the one who’d kept him in a dark, dirty cell where he couldn’t get one.

After Azula left, he stripped and sank into the water. It was warm and welcoming, and he thought he could melt in it. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the simple pleasure of a hot bath. The water brushed gently against his skin, softening his cramped muscles and embracing his tired body. Breathe in, breathe out. The rhythm lulled him to sleep.

When Zuko woke up, the clear water had turned murky and tepid. He picked up the soap and brush and scrubbed away the blood and sweat and grime clinging to him. His skin was red and raw, but he felt like new.

Clean and wearing fresh clothes, Zuko looked himself in the mirror to assess the damage. He’d always been pale, but now he just looked sickly and his scar seemed redder. Both his eyes were narrow and hollow. His cheekbones were sharper with a razor edge. Dark bruises in different states of healing sprinkled his body.

His eyes moved to his chest and he gasped. He’d never seen the burn on his face. It had been covered with bandages by the healers and it was only uncovered when it had scarred. He imagined it had looked something like this.

A bright red star screamed where the lightning had hit him. The flesh was mangled, though the wound wasn’t deep. The edges were blackened slightly, but it wasn’t spreading. There was no oozing or any signs of infection he could think of. He didn’t touch it, knowing full well the pain that would come. Perhaps he could find a healer in the city to check it.

That is if he managed to leave the palace. Azula had freed him from the cell and they seemed to be making progress, but he didn’t know how far that went. Was he allowed to go where he wanted? Was he still a traitor? If Azula was  Firelord , what was he?

_ What now? _


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was the day of Azula’s coronation. Zuko had interrupted the ceremony  on the day of the comet and his sister hadn’t been officially crowned  Firelord since then. All the fire sages had been banished for some reason or another.

It had been days and Azula couldn’t put it off any longer. The Fire Nation needed a leader. Now more than ever.

This was a terrible idea, of course. Azula was a great soldier and a brilliant general. She belonged in a war room. After all, she’d been raised fighting a constant war against her own brother. Azula was not meant for peace, she didn’t understand it. She didn’t seem to want it, either.

Zuko was in no condition to challenge Azula again and he didn’t want to. They were finally sort of getting along and he didn’t want to ruin that.

A rebellion wasn’t an option either. Zuko would not start a civil war that would rip his country apart. Even if he had the support of the common folk  – who didn’t want to work their lives away for the war effort or to fear for their children in the frontlines  – the nobles would favor Azula because the war benefited them.

He didn’t know what to do. As the  Firelord’s brother , he didn’t  actually hold any power. All he could do was try and influence her and counsel her, guide her in the right direction like Uncle had with him. He was awfully lacking when compared to Uncle, and the stakes were much higher.

What would Uncle do? He could come home now, Zuko wouldn’t let anything happen to him. Uncle would know how to deal with Azula.

What was Uncle doing right now? What was everyone doing? Were they recovering from battle? Were they rebuilding what had been destroyed? Or were they planning a new attack on the Fire Nation? The war wasn’t over until everyone stopped fighting and Azula wouldn’t back down. Unless they made her.

Zuko didn’t want to see a war between his friends and his sister, but he didn’t want to see war continue to ravage his nation and the rest of the world. If it came to it, he’d have to fight  Azula . Again.

Hard decisions lay ahead and Zuko didn’t want to make any of them.

He sighed and stretched gingerly. After sleeping on the hard floor in awkward positions due to the chains, he’d learned to appreciate his warm, soft, comfortable bed. He never wanted to leave it again. But the sun had been up for a while and so must he.

There was a single knock on the door and Azula entered without bothering to wait for his reply. She carried a tray with tea and a plate of dumplings, and she put it down on the table.

“Morning,  Zuzu . Sleep well?”

Zuko ignored the jeer. It had been his first night back in his room.

He dragged himself out of bed to the table. The dumplings looked delicious and fresh, and they were still warm. His stomach grumbled. He poured the tea for himself and Azula. His hands were  shaking and the pot was heavy, and it took all his effort to not spill the tea. He sat down, exhausted, and took a dumpling.

“Did you hire the cook back?” he asked. The Komodo chicken dumpling tasted the same as they had his entire life, made by the old cook in the palace kitchen. It was amazing.

“I had to, didn’t I? It’s not fit for a princess to go to the market and talk to the commoners.”

Zuko cringed. Not that long ago he would’ve said that kind of stuff. It was something he’d have to work on with Azula eventually.  But t here were more important things to discuss now.

“And the Fire Sages? Are they back too?”

“I need someone to put the crown on my head.”

He took a sip from the cup. It was some good tea, yes, but it wasn’t Uncle’s tea. It was almost bland by comparison.

“What role do I play in all this?”

Azula smirked and drank slowly. She peered at him over the rim of her cup.

“You,  Zuzu , will be by my side, of course. You’re my brother, after all.”

“No.”

Azula quirked a perfect eyebrow. 

“No?”

“I’m your brother, but I can’t support you if you’re going to continue this war.” He swallowed and forced the words out. “Even if you take me back to that cell.”

“Do you think that’s why I freed you? Because I thought you’d be okay with everything I do  now that you’re nice to me?”

“Then why?”

“Because…” Azula trailed off and plopped a dumpling in her mouth. He waited for her to go on. She had a sip of tea and continued, waving her hand. “It was a little because you were trying so hard to get along with me and we only got each other, and it was a lot because you were seeing things. That place was bad for you.”

That was it? She’d let him go out of  pity? His pride was wounded, but his heart was warmed. His sister cared for him. In her own way.

“You see Mother and you weren’t the one locked alone in a cell with no sunlight. What’s your excuse?”

Azula narrowed her eyes at him for a moment. She smirked.

“I guess Mother didn’t love me enough as a child. She did think I was a monster.”

“That’s not true.”

It wasn’t, he knew it wasn’t, but he also feared it was.  So he hoped his sister believed him either way.

Azula’s laugh was all angles and sharp lines.

“What would you know? You were Mother’s favorite.”

“And you were Father’s,” he snapped.

His sister was probably right. And, in the long run, it had been for the best for him. But it didn’t save him from a childhood of fear and pain and inadequacy.

She just sighed and  drank her tea.

“It doesn’t matter now. She’s gone.”

“G-gone?” he mumbled. “Like— like d-dead?”

“I know as much as you,  Zuzu . You think Father ever told me anything important?”

He chewed on a dumpling for a long time. It had been amazing before but now it tasted like nothing.

“I’m so sorry, Azula.”

She waved it away.

“Don’t be. I’m not. I’m the best  firebender this country has seen in ages. Not even Father or Uncle could do what I can at my age.”

His sister was an impressive  firebender . And she was just fourteen.

It hit him then: Azula was extraordinary. He’d known it for a long time, but this was the first time there was no envy attached to that idea. Just admiration and pride.

But sadness too. Azula had worked so hard to get here. She’d lost so much – sacrificed so much –  even if she didn’t know it. This was no life for a child. Not for him and not for her.  It wasn’t worth it .  Nothing was worth _ that _ .

“Is that enough for you? Or do you want more?”

“Are you asking if I want to conquer the entire world? You know I do.”

He sighed.

“No, that’s not it. I mean the things other people have and we never really did.  Like friends ,  and family ,  and _ fun _ .”

Azula chuckled and chewed on another dumpling.

“Oh  Zuzu , I have plenty of fun.”

“I mean fun for fun’s sake.” Like what his friends had. Like normal kids had. The only time he could remember his sister doing that was that weekend at Ember Island or when she messed with him when they were kids. “Fun that doesn’t involve hurting someone else.”

“That’s no fun at all!” Azula smiled for a moment before the laughter faded from her face. “I don’t know how to do any of that. I don’t even know if I want it or if I just want to know what it’s like.” She sighed. “It probably wouldn’t suit me anyway.”

“Give it a try. It’s worth it, I promise you.”

Zuko  _ knew _ what it was like. He’d always had a family in Uncle and now he had friends too. He was learning to have true fun from them. With every moment he spent with them, he realized this wasn’t just something he wanted. It was something he  _ needed _ . And  so did his sister.

He drank from his cup and waited.

Azula stood up and leaned on the back of her chair.

“Well, this is kind of…” She waved a hand as if searching for the word. “...pleasant, so I suppose I’ll give it a shot.”

Zuko smiled.

“You won’t re – ”

“Let’s find Mother,” she cut in dryly.

His first instinct was to say yes and pack for the trip. But he knew it couldn’t be. Where would they go? They had no clue where she was. Or if she was even  _ alive _ . He wanted to find his mother more than anything and get back the part of him that she’d taken with her when she’d disappeared. But she was  gone and they had to move on. They had plenty of things to do and a nation that needed them.

“We don’t even know what happened to her, Azula. And we can’t lea – ”

“We know who to ask.” She turned to leave. She stopped at the door and looked over her shoulder. “Don’t be late for my coronation, Little  Zuzu .”

Azula’s coronation. It seemed like something out of his nightmares. He couldn’t stop it and maybe he shouldn’t either. She wasn’t the best person to lead the Fire Nation after the war, but was he that much of a better option? He’d fucked up so much and he would’ve never made the right choice without Uncle.

Zuko walked to his closet. His ceremonial robes were there waiting for him. He ran a hand through the fabric. The last time he’d worn them, his Father was planning the day of  Sozin’s comet and Azula had suggested burning the Earth Kingdom to the ground. Zuko  breathed deeply and took his clothes to the couch.

Things were different now. His sister was trying to make things work between them. Now that they were putting family rivalry aside, she would have to recognize Uncle’s wisdom and take his counsel. With his help, Azula would be a great Fire Lord. The throne should be Uncle’s in the first place anyway. It was only right that he should guide either of them on the job.

Uncle wanted what was best for the Fire Nation and the world. He’d accept Azula once he saw that she, like Zuko, could change and become a better person. His friends  – and the rest of the world  – would be harder to convince. They had a long way to go.

_ They’d be right to not believe her, _ a voice whispered in his mind as he dressed.  _ Azula always lies _ .

Could this be nothing more than an elaborate trick? This could all be an act to get his trust, to get the trust of the rest of the world, so she could later scheme to take over. Just like she had done in Ba Sing Se. It had been her biggest success, why not repeat it?

Could Azula really be just faking it? She’d always been a good liar, but this would put real actors to shame. He didn’t want to admit it, but it would be a very impressive performance.

No, it couldn’t be just a trick. Azula was almost as proud as Zuko himself, if smarter about it. She would never stand to have him, of all people, pity her. It would be too low for her. She’d rather fight the whole world.

And what he’d seen in her, the conversations they’d had…  Azula  couldn’t fake _ that _ .

Zuko was struggling with the tunic. His wound severely limited the range of movement in his arms and he couldn’t get them inside his sleeves. At least it was cleaned and bandaged  now and he could stand to have fabric over it.

If only  Katara were around to heal it. Or lecture him for being an idiot and fighting Azula on his own.  Sokka and  Toph would laugh their asses off watching him fumble with his clothes while  Aang would rush to help and make it worse. Only Suki would  actually get it done.

He missed them more than he could’ve imagined. They’d only spent a few weeks  together but they were his friends, his family. He just wanted to see them again. Would he ever?

_ Where are you, guys? What are you up to? _

It was harder to put on his armor than to climb up a tunnel through ice - cold water in the North Pole, but Zuko pushed himself through it. Next came his topknot, but he could barely lift his arms and certainly not long enough to tie up his hair. He just ended up with the ribbon wrapped around his fingers, wishing to cut it all off.

He sighed and looked in the mirror. He looked far from proper. His clothes were loose around his body. The armor was slightly askew, but he couldn’t get it straight. His hair could not be tamed, even with a comb, and it fell between his eyes at its will.

He didn’t even look like a prince. He could never look like a Fire Lord.

It was time to go.

The hallways were still empty, but they’d been  dusted and the lamps were lit.  Footsteps and whispers came  from afar .  These were the first signs of life in a palace that had been so dead just the day before.

Every step hurt and he ignored the pain. It was better than in the first few days. Breathing was easier and moving was manageable. Walking for such a long stretch was a nightmare, but nothing that he couldn’t handle. He wouldn’t miss his own sister’s coronation over a wound, not even one inflicted by her.

He walked out through a side door into the square. Scorch marks blackened every wall. The red stone had even broken and fallen in some places. There could be no doubt an Agni Kai had been fought here.

The fire sages were already at the top of the stairs, waiting for the Fire Lord to step out and claim her crown. About a dozen people stood on the square, and he recognized them as servants and guards to the palace. There  were  no nobles around, not even generals. Li and Lo weren’t there either.

“Good morning to you all,” Zuko greeted with what he hoped was a gentle smile.

Everyone turned around, noticing him for the first time. They all looked at him with wide eyes and slacked jaws. One man leaned into the one next to him as if about to faint. Trembling, one woman bowed to him.

“Good morning, Prince Zuko,” the woman said. The others bowed as well.

What was going on? What happened?

It wasn’t the time for questions. He moved to the front of the square and looked up. Two guards were opening the doors and Azula walked out.

Her robes were  spotless and her topknot was perfect.  _ She _ looked regal.

All heads turned to her. The people around him cheered with excessive enthusiasm. It sounded like a hundred people were there, not less than twenty. Zuko didn’t think Azula was loved that much among the common folk.

He turned his eyes back to his sister. She lifted her head and looked  at the crowd.

“We’ve been at war for a hundred years.  Sozin’s C omet has come and gone and it’s time for change. It’s time to lead the Fire Nation into a new era!” she said, a grand speech for such a small crowd.

_ What does she mean _ ? Zuko asked himself as the people around him applauded his sister. Did they even know what they were clapping?

Azula knelt in front of her people and closed her eyes. The fire sage lifted the headpiece in his hands.

“All hail Fire Lord A – ”

Something in the sky caught everyone’s attention. It looked like a cloud, but it was descending fast on them.

Appa .

“What’s going on this time?” Azula grumbled, opening her eyes.

The bison roared as it approached the square. At first , Zuko could only see vague outlines. Then, one by one, he recognized  Aang ,  Katara ,  Sokka , Suki,  Toph . And Uncle. They were all alive and they all seemed okay.

Zuko didn’t know if he wanted to sink to his knees in relief or run to hug them.

When  Appa landed,  Aang was the first to jump down.

“That’s not  gonna happen,” he declared, twirling his staff in a fighting stance. “It’s over, Azula.”

He sounded different. Less soft, less childlike, less like  Aang . More like the Avatar.

The others were getting down and taking their places next to  Aang . Azula climbed down the stairs as the people cleared a way for her. This was what Zuko had feared.

He ran to his friends, putting himself between them Azula.

“Stop! Don’t do this!”

“Zuko, my boy!”

Uncle ran to him and embraced him in a platypus-bear hug. It sent a jolt of pain through him that made his vision darken and his knees buckle. He didn’t care. His tears were of joy.

“You’re alive!” he heard  Sokka blurt out with too much surprise for his taste before he got in on the hug.

More arms and hands joined around them.

“We thought you were dead, Hotshot!”

“We’re so glad you’re alright.”

“We missed you!”

Zuko kept his eyes closed and focused on his friends. He could hear their voices and feel their warmth around him. He feared that if he opened his  eyes he’d wake up from this dream back in his cell.  So he’d hold on to it for as long as he could.

“What a lovely family reunion,” Azula said behind him in her sickly-sweet tone. “You interrupted my coronation.”

Before he knew it, everyone took fighting stances. Bright blue fire burned in Azula’s hands as she stared them down. Water flowed from  Katara’s pouch.  Sokka held his boomerang, and Suki his sword.  Toph and Uncle were ready to go.  Aang slammed his staff on the ground.

His friends had surrounded him instead of forming a straight line of attack. They were protecting  him and it stung his pride. He could handle himself.

Worse: They thought he needed protection from Azula.

Zuko stepped out of the circle and h e turned to his sister.

“Azula, don’t.” He looked back at his friends. “Guys, stop. There’s no need to fight.”

No one moved.

“What are you thinking, Zuko?”  Katara yelled.

He looked each of them in the eyes and took in the anger and fear and shock.

“Please, let’s talk and sort this out.” His eyes locked with Uncle’s, but he couldn’t read the old man. “We could have some tea.”

“No!” Azula shouted, striding towards them. “I will not have my throne taken from me!”

It wasn’t a fair fight. In an instant,  Katara blocked Azula’s fire while  Toph encased her wrists and feet in stone. Azula fell to  the  ground with a thud and it was over.

Zuko moved to go to her, but Uncle grabbed his arm and held him back. Azula spat fire at all of them and hit no o ne.

This was the disaster he knew it would be.

Everyone was staring at him, waiting for what he’d do next. He was so lost.

“We… we can still fix this,” he started. “ Toph – ”

Uncle grabbed him by the shoulders, stopping him in his tracks.

“Zuko, not everything can be fixed,” he said softly. “Things don’t always turn out the way we want them to.”

Sokka was at his side.

“What happened to you, man? Was it the Dai Li? Did they use their  mindbending tricks on you?”

Zuko shook his head sadly.

“No. We just talked.”  _ We bonded. We are siblings now. Or we were until this moment _ . “She’s my sister, and she’s only got me, and we have so much in common, and…”

He trailed off. He didn’t know how to explain what’d happened between him and Azula. Words weren’t enough.

Now she was lying on the dirt, defeated by her enemies. It wasn’t right.

“Zuko, I’m glad you and Azula are finally getting along,” Uncle said. “But you know your sister and you know that change can’t happen overnight. We can’t let her be Fire Lord. It must be you. Only you can lead the Fire Nation during the hard times ahead. Azula isn’t built for peace.”

Zuko nodded. Hadn’t he thought the same thing about Azula? She was his sister and he didn’t want to hurt her, but he had to do what was best for their country. Maybe Azula could change, but it would take time and he couldn’t risk his people’s future on a maybe.

He swallowed.

“You’re right, Uncle.”

He turned and walked to his sister. She looked at him with fire and hatred in her eyes.  He knelt beside her .  She spat in  his face.

“Azula,” he pleaded.

“Traitor.”

“I’m still your older brother and you’re still my little sister. Nothing will ever change that.”

Her eyes narrowed.

“I should’ve killed you in the Agni Kai.”

“Please. I can’t lose you too.”  _ Not after I just got you. And you can’t lose me either. _ “Not after everything  _ we’ve _ lost.”

“There is no “we”,  _ brother. _ ”

One last  try .

“I thought you wanted us to be a family, somehow. I thought you wanted to find Mother.”

Azula recoiled as if she’d just been slapped. She looked like a little girl who only wanted her mother back. And he felt like a little boy who wanted just the same.

“We don’t know what happened to her. She’s probably dead.”

He ignored the voice of reason in his head that agreed with her.

“We know who to ask,” he echoed.

“Okay, traitor. It’s time for you and  me to play nice,” she said through gritted teeth. Saying it was the first step to  actually doing it. “Let’s find mother, Dum-dum.”


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
> Enjoy!

They climbed the winding path to the prison in silence.  The significance of what they’d gone through, how they were dealing with it together, what lay ahead, and how it had all led them to this moment weighed heavily on their shoulders. They didn’t have the words to explain it out loud nor to themselves.

Getting here had been so hard. It had meant going against everything they’d ever known. It had meant putting aside painful memories and old rivalries. It had meant giving each other a chance. The way they were raised, always competing, always fighting each other, that was no way to live and that was no way to be a family. They deserved better.

It had only taken an instant for it to come crashing down around them. 

He’d betrayed his sister, just like he knew he would.  She hadn’t been  okay and he’d only made it worse.  It had been the right thing to do for the Fire Nation and the rest of the world, but it had been the wrong thing for Azula, for himself, and for their relationship. They’d been raised deep in violence  and backstabbing. They should be tearing that down, but he’d only reinforced it. What kind of lesson would they learn from  _ that _ ?

Azula still hadn’t forgiven him. He hadn’t either.

Uncle had told that it was okay to feel guilty. It didn’t mean he hadn’t done the right thing. It only meant that some things could be good and bad at the same time.

Zuko had to be the one on the throne for the Fire Nation’s sake, but his sister hated him for it. She would start a coup and depose him if she had the chance. Zuko didn’t want to lock her up after he’d been through it himself, but he couldn’t let her go either. Azula was not to be trusted. Besides, after all that she’d done, her actions demanded consequences. Not only that, but he doubted the Earth King would be okay with the girl who’d stolen Ba Sing Se from him being free.

He ended up confining Azula to her rooms. Their roles were reversed. He visited her every day and they talked over shared meals. It seemed to be working again. The tension and distrust were slowly burning away.

This fragile truce was based on them finding Mother together. It was time to  actually do it.

It was dark, cold, and damp inside the prison. Torches burned and the bitter smell of smoke filled the corridors. Every guard that passed them by bowed and mumbled a greeting before hurrying on. Nobody questioned what they were doing here. Zuko wasn’t sure if they were more terrified of him or Azula.

He took the key out of his pocket. The door opened with a screech.

The cell was different from his. It was still a cramped little room, but here metal bars cut it in half, allowing the prisoner even less space. It was above ground, not under, but there were no windows and the only light came through the door.

Ozai sat on his mattress. Unlike Zuko, he wasn’t chained and could move freely in his small area. He was almost unrecognizable. It was hard to see the same man when his hair was a dirty tangled mess and he was wearing stained old rags.  Ozai wasn’t the imposing and terrifying Fire Lord anymore. He was just a man. A prisoner.

Zuko and Azula exchanged glances. She nodded at him. He took a deep breath and entered. His sister stepped beside him, making the chain that connected his right wrist to her left clink.

Ozai looked up and smiled.

“I should count myself lucky. The new Fire Lord has graced me with his presence in my lowly prison cell,” he said. He turned to Azula. “And he brought company. What happened to you, Azula? I gave you a simple mission and you failed me. Now your miserable brother drags you around in chains.”

Zuko’s hands closed into fists. How dare  Ozai treat his loyal daughter like that after everything she’d done for him? Why had Zuko never complained when he himself had been treated this way?

Azula simply smiled. It was the smile of a dragon.

“Oh Father, you’re mistaken. About so many things,” she said sweetly. “Most of all, if you think I care what you think of me.”

_ Azula always lies. _ And she was damn good at it. But Zuko and Azula both knew this was a lie. For now.

Ozai laughed. Even defeated and humiliated he still mocked them.

“Has your brother passed his rebellious  ways  onto you, Azula? Is that why you joined him in failure?”

Azula glanced at Zuko and her smile softened.

“Yes. He has. But that’s not why I joined him.”

Their father’s eyes narrowed as he inspected both his children.

“Why are you really here?”

Azula stepped closer, pulling taut the chain between herself and Zuko.

“Because you’re going to tell us something,” she cooed. She crouched and leaned toward the bars. A darkness crossed her features. She growled, “Where is my mother?”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. Kudos and comments are appreciated. 
> 
> Have a nice day!


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